Sheesh... life sure is funny. Well... I'm sure someone finds this all funny. Anyway... I dunno. I've really had my ups and downs this weekend. I suppose its an improvement over how I had been feeling but... its really not much of one. I told Kristin I felt like I just needed to separate myself from her for a while, because talking to her was making me depressed.... of course I tried to say it in a way that didn't make her sound like an awful person, because I truly and honestly don't hold her at fault at how I feel right now. Its a result of my own shortcomings, not her's. I still really, really, miss her... everyone keeps telling me that its normal, even after a month of being broken up, but... who knows? I just don't know. I feel like I've been handling this whole situation terribly, and every time I try to fix it, I just get more upset, and make things even worse.

I really REALLY want to talk to Kristin, but I'm pretty sure I'd just get both of us really upset, just like I have been doing. She tells me that I don't really get her that upset when we talk lately, but... I don't know. If nothing else I have to be as annoying as hell to her.

I'm so freakin' obssessive... I know I am. Just look at this entry.... its all about one person. One person who, for the life of me, I cannot stop thinking about...

It doesn't really help that yesterday was the Snowball... exactly one year ago was when I first realized I had a thing for her... sigh... I really need a new subject to talk about...

Anyway... all my friends seem happy enough, and that's really really nice. I'm at least glad for them. And it helps to hang around them too, cause when I'm around them I can take my mind off of what its always on otherwise.

And, AND I'm dropping that God-forsaken English class tommorrow. I found out the other day that I'm actually doing really good in that Non-Western Lit class that I hate so much... but my English class is killing me. Dropping it would probably eliminate a LOT of the stress I feel like I'm under. I'm also going to talk to a counselor tommorrow. Hopefully that'll help to.

I really think there's more at work here than just being sad about my ex-girlfriend and school... because as I think about it, yeah that stuff is enough to make me sad, but its not really enough to make me as blitheringly hopless as I feel right now. I'm not suicidal, but I think that's becaise I'm incapable of being suicidal, plain and simple. I'd never end my own life, even if everyone I knew told me they hated me and abandoned me on the streets of Iran in the middle of a crowd of angry, anti-American fanatics. But I AM so damn depressed. Every morning, when I wake up I simply do NOT want to get out of bed, and it usually takes every ounce of will power I have just to stand up. I spend so much time listening to depressing music, and staring at the ceiling in my room, and just sulking...

I really need to find a way to fix this... because I used to be so happy, and I love being like that. I can't stand being like this.

Tommorrow is as always another day, though. So, we'll see what happens...