So, I've decided that I absolutely hate my life, and I'm sick of everything. But more than anything else.... I miss her....

I found this and thought it to be humorous. There are several versions of it floating around, but this is the first time I've seen this one. Enjoy. I'm just gonna go back to sulking now.

Capitalism for Dummies

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm. After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.

Well, I'll be...

Well done comrade! You're one of the big boys! When you're not holding speeches about how everyone is equal in the communist society, you're busy living the high-life while millions starve, freeze or get worked to death! You zany person you! What tin-pot dictator are you? Take the "What Dictator am I?" test at PoisonedMinds.com

Gee, yet ANOTHER online quiz says I'm Joseph Stalin... ya know, its starting to get creepy.

I mean, sure, I'm all for communism and stuff but.... being compared to a massively oppressive, autocratic, eagalitarian, genocidal, madman... not as fun as it sounds!

There are other similarites too! Creepy similarities!

Joseph Stalin was born on December 9th.... as was I!

Joseph Stalin played the cello, and had a thing for drama and writing.... as do I!

And last but not least, Joseph Stalin had terrible luck with women... as do I! Granted, most of his mistresses and wives were either put to death, or committed suicide, which puts him slightly ahead of me in that respect. But still! The similarities are there!

If I were Hindu, I'd swear that Stalin's soul got recycled into me. That must be his punishment for ya know, all the evil. Seems kinda unfair for the poor guy, doesn't it. So let this be a word of warning to all you genocidal madmen out there. Cut it out! Or you'll wind up being me in the future!

There... I probably just stopped the next Hitler. You're welcome, world!

I might post again later. Who knows?

So, today started off very not cool. It was really cold last night, right? And there was this big ice storm, right? So my car had about an inch of ice on it this morning, and lemme tell ya, scraping an inch of solid ice off of your car is a rip roarin' good time, that takes about an hour! So guess who missed his Biology class today?! That's right! I'm reeeeeally hoping she didn't give a lab quiz today... I don't think she did, but ya never know. Ah well. Coulda been worse. At least I didn't have to deal with Eric's crap today.

Lit of Non-Western Civilizations wasn't so bad today. We got paired up into discussion groups with basically whoever we wanted, groups of four, and we're supposed to stick with the same group for the next couple of weeks. One of the guys in my group, John whats-his-name (I can't remember his last name, so sue me), was in my drama class last semester. He was one of the cool people too, not one of the weirdo, creepy girls that had a crush on me, or one of the pompous arrogant jackasses that never had anything good to say about anyone. And the other two in my group were these two girls, whose names I of course didn't catch, but I'm sure I'll learn eventually.

My intro to lit class wasn't bad either, and I think its safe to say that's probably going to be my favorite class this semester. The teacher is a really cool guy, and the stuff we talk about is actually interesting stuff to me, so, I'm thinking that class is gonna be nice. Not really a whole lot happened in it today, we just discussed this Poe story, the Cask of Amantillado (which I had previously read my sophomore year of high school.... could have been junior year, I'm not sure.)

Of course I got in plenty of sulking today, in between classes, obviously, we can't have a day go by without that. It doesn't help that just about everything in the universe reminds me of.... something, but, eh, what can you do.

I DID however have a really awesome evening. Me, Dan, Anna, and Chris all hung out at Anna's house. We hung out, talked, laughed at Dan's outlandishness, etc. We also watched Equilibrium a totally awesome movie, basically Fahrenheit 451 on crack. Ya know the drill. Utopian society, ruled by a dictator, functions like a well oiled machine, until someone on the inside suddenly discovers what they're depriving from the populace (in this case, emotion) while it keeps order, it also takes away their humanity. A good movie.

Then Dan and I drove home, cause we thought everybody had to go to school tommorrow... cept of course I don't have classes on Tuesday. Then as soon as we get home, we find that EHS and Metro have both cancelled, meaning we all COULD have stayed a bit longer. Lousy stupid lousiness.

All in all, not a bad day. And I don't have school tommorrow... and for some reason, I just can't get excited about that. Days off just ain't what they used to be anymore. Le sigh.

Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking for a while. That would make things nice and simple. Stop feeling too. Maybe I can get ahold of some of that Prozium stuff they used in Equilibrium that suppressed emotions. Sometimes, I think it'd be nice to have something like that.

Ah well... as always, tommorrow's another day.

Okay, so, now that I know how to work this doohickee, I'll begin.

I've had an interesting past couple of weeks. I've been desperately trying to remain upbeat, and positive, but haven't exactly been able to do so. To avoid getting into to much detail, or mentioning and thusly sullying anyone's good name, I'll simply say that about two weeks ago, something happened, and about that time, a whole lot of other somethings decided they wanted to happen as well, and all of which have resulted in a very unhappy Tim.

Now, when I'm unhappy, I do one of two things: Sit alone and sulk, or surround myself with friends, and be as positive as I can. I'm not really a big fan of the sulking, so, obviously, I opt for the surrounding myself with friends part. Now, I remember taking this approach around the beginning of my senior year of high school, during a similar situation, and it worked beautifully. It hasn't worked so well this time around. And, after much consideration, I believe I've come up with a few reasons why it hasn't worked.

Number 1: Last time this happened, I grew to loath the person that had caused it. Its very easy to get over someone, when you hate them. This time, that's not an option. Whoops, I just let it slip that this has something to do with another person... ah, well, its not entirely them, a large part of the reason I'm so upset has to do with two older people that live in my house, and seem to have an inability to get along.... hm, I just keep giving things away... do me a favor and use the Amnesia Ray on yourself. And by Amnesia Ray, I mean the revolver. Much thanks. Anyway, on to reason number 2.

Number 2: I went to a small high school. It was very easy to surround myself with friends, when I went to school with 200 people I knew personally everyday. Now, I got to a large community college, with around 5,000 or so people attending, and I know none of them (and most of the few I DO know, like my new friend Eric Zimmler in my Bio Class, I generally dislike very much) Plus, a lot of my friends have left, and gone off to college, or live in places like Alton or Prairietown where daily access is rather hard to come by. It stinks. So the healing process is going to take much longer this time, I'm sure.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... DAMMIT, IF YOU'RE MARRIED, YOU SHOULD GET THE HELL ALONG WITH EACHOTHER! Wait, no! Scratch that, that's not what I was trying to say. What I'm trying to say is, I'm unhappy. And I'm probably going to be unhappy for a while. And its just something I'm going to have to deal with. And I really don't hold anyone at fault, but myself for this. Because I suddenly seem to have an inability to look at the positives in my life. I suddenly have an inability to move on, and accept things that I can't change. Its retarded, I know, but... its hard for me to help.

But there are still positives in my life, I know, and a lot of them. My friends for example: Zach, Anna, Eva, Kristin, Aaron, Paul, Anthony, Josh, Terry, Tom... that's ten positives alone.... already a lot more positives than negatives.... and yet, for some reason the negatives, no matter how few, always seem to outweight the positives, no matter how many... but that's not the point! This paragraph is meant to accentuate the positive! Lets see, what other positives are there.... ah, yes! As weird, and stupid as this will sound to a lot of people, politics is still something I'm still able to immerse myself in, and thusly, make my problems seem insignificant. And my writing! I can still sit down and write stories and screenplays, and totally get into these things and make my problems go away.

The biggest problem though, is that when I'm not doing these things, the problems always creep back... no matter how good I'm feeling, or how much progress I think I've made, my problems always seem to smack me back down sooner or later.

I'm sure they'll go away eventually. I'm sure eventually I'll be able to move on, and be the same Tim I used to be.

It just may take a long long time. Le sigh.

Oh well.... tommorrow's another day, I suppose.

Well, I'm not completely sure what's going on here, so I'll just wing it. I signed up with a blog. Yes, that's right, me, the man who always denounces how idiotic online diaries are has himself gotten one. Why? Dunno, exactly. I suppose just for the heck of it. Just to see how many people are actually interested in what goes on in my life. Its very interesting, let me assure you. So get ready to be glued to your computer screens, ladies and gentlemen and prepare yourself for the Oddessy that is my life!

And try not to fall asleep, please?