Just one last thing...

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results Sociability ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Gregariousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Activity Level |||||||||||| 38% Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||| 58% Extroversion ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Trust |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Morality |||||||||||||||||| 54% Altruism ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Cooperation ||||||||||||||| 50% Modesty ||||||||||||||| 50% Sympathy |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Confidence ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Neatness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Dutifulness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Achievement ||||||||||||||| 46% Self-Discipline ||||||||| 26% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 34% Orderliness ||||||||||||||| 48% Anxiety |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Volatility |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Depression |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Self-Consciousness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Impulsiveness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Vulnerability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Emotional Stability |||||||||||| 32% Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Artistic Interests ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Emotionality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Adventurousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Intellect |||||||||||||||||| 54% Liberalism ||||||||||||||| 46% Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 65%

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Yeah... this all sounds about right.

Sheesh... life sure is funny. Well... I'm sure someone finds this all funny. Anyway... I dunno. I've really had my ups and downs this weekend. I suppose its an improvement over how I had been feeling but... its really not much of one. I told Kristin I felt like I just needed to separate myself from her for a while, because talking to her was making me depressed.... of course I tried to say it in a way that didn't make her sound like an awful person, because I truly and honestly don't hold her at fault at how I feel right now. Its a result of my own shortcomings, not her's. I still really, really, miss her... everyone keeps telling me that its normal, even after a month of being broken up, but... who knows? I just don't know. I feel like I've been handling this whole situation terribly, and every time I try to fix it, I just get more upset, and make things even worse.

I really REALLY want to talk to Kristin, but I'm pretty sure I'd just get both of us really upset, just like I have been doing. She tells me that I don't really get her that upset when we talk lately, but... I don't know. If nothing else I have to be as annoying as hell to her.

I'm so freakin' obssessive... I know I am. Just look at this entry.... its all about one person. One person who, for the life of me, I cannot stop thinking about...

It doesn't really help that yesterday was the Snowball... exactly one year ago was when I first realized I had a thing for her... sigh... I really need a new subject to talk about...

Anyway... all my friends seem happy enough, and that's really really nice. I'm at least glad for them. And it helps to hang around them too, cause when I'm around them I can take my mind off of what its always on otherwise.

And, AND I'm dropping that God-forsaken English class tommorrow. I found out the other day that I'm actually doing really good in that Non-Western Lit class that I hate so much... but my English class is killing me. Dropping it would probably eliminate a LOT of the stress I feel like I'm under. I'm also going to talk to a counselor tommorrow. Hopefully that'll help to.

I really think there's more at work here than just being sad about my ex-girlfriend and school... because as I think about it, yeah that stuff is enough to make me sad, but its not really enough to make me as blitheringly hopless as I feel right now. I'm not suicidal, but I think that's becaise I'm incapable of being suicidal, plain and simple. I'd never end my own life, even if everyone I knew told me they hated me and abandoned me on the streets of Iran in the middle of a crowd of angry, anti-American fanatics. But I AM so damn depressed. Every morning, when I wake up I simply do NOT want to get out of bed, and it usually takes every ounce of will power I have just to stand up. I spend so much time listening to depressing music, and staring at the ceiling in my room, and just sulking...

I really need to find a way to fix this... because I used to be so happy, and I love being like that. I can't stand being like this.

Tommorrow is as always another day, though. So, we'll see what happens...

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	Butt-Man
Super Power	Impeccable Hearing
Enemy	Frozen Corpse Of Walt Disney
Mode Of Transportation	Giant Hamster Named Skippy
Weapon	Cheese Cutter
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

What the hell... that's all I can really say at this point.... what the hell?

I recently heard this song. Woulda put it in my profile, but it wouldn't fit. Woulda put it in my sub-profile, but that thing's long gone. So, I'm puttin' it here. Its my new favorite Blink 182 song. Enjoy.

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you... miss you...)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you... miss you...)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)

Epiphany...

So I was sitting around on one of the benches in the halls at school after Biology class today, with my friends Katie and John, being all mopey, as per usual, when my other friend, Eric (yes, I consider him a friend now. I'm friends with the Nazi. Welcome to America, folks.) comes walking up. He notices my ever somber mood and lets out a big sigh, rolling his eyes. Finally, he says, "Ya know what?! I'm tired of this mopey attitude! So, I'm gonna do you a favor! I'm gonna put you on the Eric Zimmler Will Kick Your Ass Anti-Depressent Plan! Its works really simply. Stop being depressed. Or Eric Zimmler will kick your ass!"

I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the tone he said, or whatever. But that just cracked me up. I just started laughing. And that's when I noticed Katie smiling at me, and I was like "What?" and what she said really kinda hit hard:

"That's the first time I've ever seen you smile like that."

And that's when I realized. That was the first time I'd smiled like that since... God knows when! That's when it hit me, that I didn't even really know why I was being all depressed any more! I basically was being depressed just to be depressed. And that's stupid. Life's too short to be pulling stupid crap like that.

So my girlfriend and I parted ways. Big deal, that stuff happens. At least she's still trying to be friends with me. And after some of the crap I've pulled that in and of itself is a miracle!

So I had to move out of my house. The balding tyrant that ran that unpleasent household was a jackass! I'm better off where I am now, living with my awesome sister, and her equally awesome boyfriend! And now I can come and go as I please, day or night, and I don't have to call in... at all!! Yay for irresponisibility! And I've got a waterbed! How kick ass is that?!

So I hate my classes! Pfft! Tch! Psh! Who doesn't?! And its not like I hate all of them. I just really really hate that stupid Non-Western Lit class. But I made two good friends out of that class to make up for it!

See my problem has been that in the past several certain things have worked out absolutely perfectly. And I seemed to have the notion that that's how it would always be. Well, that's not always the case. I still believe that everything happens for a reason, and things will always work out in the end... but sometimes you have to go through stuff to get to that end. God's a smart guy. He's got a plan for this. Just like he's got a plan for everything. A really smart girl once told me that.

So in closing, I say, to hell with depression! I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself! Its time to get back into my old routine of being better than everyone!

Besides, if I don't, Eric Zimmler's gonna kick my ass!

Viva le Friday, everyone!

Oh good...


You are Loss.

Your life defines tragedy. You have experienced
great hardships on an unimaginable scale and it
has jaded your view of life.


What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, I can't say today wasn't bad.... wasn't really good either. I woke up, kinda sat around a bit... took a nap around 3.... I've been sitting online since. Really uneventful. Still waiting for things to get better.... nothing really seems to have changed, but tommorrow's Friday. Hopefully I'll see my old pals Josh and Anthony, and once again have a temporary reprieve from feeling sorry for myself.

Well, blogger-ites, its been a while, and a TON has changed, so allow me to bring you up to speed.

In its continuing downward spiral, my life hit yet another extra steep incline when one... ya know, I had his name all typed out, but then I decided I'm not going to lower myself to naming names... lets just call him the dude my mom married... anyway, the dude my mom married decided he'd had enough with me using his precious phone lines to get on the internet. So what did he do to resolve this? He bounded down the stairs, stormed into my room, and screams something to the effect of how I'm a "fucking failure!" I'd "never amount to anything!" all I do is sit on my "ass in front of the fucking computer and tie up his fucking phone lines!" I'm ruining "his and my mom's fucking lives!" and a bunch of other uplifting stuff. So what'd I do? I calmly took it all in and left the house.

Forever.

I'm now currently living at my sister's house. My room's a bit more cramped, but muuuuch better. I've got the computer back in my room WITH cable modem, so no more tying up any "fucking phone lines." and along with the cable modem comes cable TV. I also no longer have to live with the bitching and shouting that came with living with my mom and that guy, and am basically free to come and go as I please here, no matter the time of day. Its like staying in an apartment.... for free!

Soooo... why aren't I happy yet? Oh, wait, maybe its cause my mom's still with El Diablo. Maybe its cause now I feel like I abandoned her, but at the same time, there's no chance in hell I'm ever going back there. Maybe its cause whenever my mom talks to me on the phone now, she ends up crying, cause the last kid she had left got chased away by said Diablo.

Oh, yeah, it could be all that other crap that's still bothering me.. oh, add that to the fact that I really hate all my classes this semester, and would be shocked as hell if I didn't fail one of them.

Life sure got real fun, real fast.

Oh, and to top it all off, guess what else I just noticed... today's the eleventh...

Stupid Christmas Break... that's where this all started... I wish it had never come.

BWA HA HA!






What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.


Well, it appears my plans to become a Bond Villain are coming along nicely. All I need now are a giant laser, a secret hideout on a secluded tropical island, hundreds of nameless grunts, a beautiful, seductive, femme fatale, a monstrous, stoic, brute with a cheesy name, ties with a corrupt government, and a legitimate business to fund my evil endevours... hmmm... maybe I'm not as close as I thought.... REGARDLESS! Enjoy your freedom, world! As soon as one of my outlandish schemes works, you'll all be living your lives under the rule of my oppressive IRON FIST!!

YOU!!! OBEY THE FIST!!