Mind-bending Thoughts by Tim...

All good things...

2005-03-03T01:31:00.000-06:00

Hey, kids. Remember that talk we had a while back about lying?

Yup. Well, I did it again.

Despite my assertions to the contrary, I am indeed packing up and moving my shizzle to Xanga. What can I say, I write for an audience, and.... that's where the audience seems to have moved.

So, this'll probably be the last post I make here for a while. I have every intention of keeping this blog, still using it occassionally, and probably even linking to it at my Xanga. I've had it too long just to delete it. But, it shall no longer be the primary.

If you're interested in tagging along, my Xanga can be found here.

Alas.

Take care, kiddies.

The end.

"Geek" not "nerd"!

2005-02-25T16:06:00.000-06:00

So, I met up with Katie and Eric for lunch today. This is part of a convo Eric and I had. Now, I don’t remember it word for word, but… this is basically the jist of it.

Me: Don’t talk to me like that! I’m… uh… Superman!

Eric: Pfft. Big deal. I’m Doomsday. I killed you!

Me: Only after I killed you!

Eric: Your mistake, because now I’ve evolved at the genetic level and learned how to not die!

Me: So? Thanks to things like Kryptonian rejuvenators, I can’t die, either! Not to mention my body keeps absorbing energy from the sun, even after I’ve died! Eventually, I’ll come back no matter what!

Eric: Yeah, well, I have no weaknesses! Unlike some pansies who get all knock-kneed at little green rocks!

Me: Ah well. At least I’m not trapped between two teleporters, constantly fluxing in and out of existence, never fully in one place or the other for the rest of eternity!

Eric: I’ll get out! And then you’ll pay! Cause I’m super smart now!

Me: Nope, that was only because Brainiac possessed you. Now you’re dumb as a rock again.

Eric: … I beat you to death once, I’ll do it again!

Katie: Oh…my…God! You two are enormous nerds!!

** Long pause. **

Me: (To Katie.) You can’t talk to Superman like that!

Eric: (Also to Katie.) Silence before Doomsday!

Keep in mind, we were at Lion’s Choice during all of this. Out in public.

I regret nothing.

Friggin' Valentine's Day...

2005-02-18T16:49:00.000-06:00

The title of this entry is Friggin Valentine's Day. I'm certain all of you that have eyes and are literate were able to read that. Those of you that can't read it shouldn't be here. Neither should those of you without eyes. Because you're freaks, and I won't have any freaks stinking up my blog!

Ahem.

Anyway, the reason this entry bears such a title isn't because I had a crappy Valentine's Day. Well... yes, I did... but it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I'm single or the romantic nature of the day. It had to do with outside events that transpired on V-Day that had little to nothing to do with the day.

I had posted in my Xanga (which I don't use, so don't bother looking for it) what happened on Valentine's Day, but have since took it down. I don't think I'm ready for the public at large to know what happened. I have no problem letting you know that something in fact DID happen, but as to what it was will be withheld until further notice.

There are a select few who know what happen, but only because I personally told them. Well, and one person who was told by someone who has too big of a mouth.... heh, but that's alright, I'm glad that person knows.

So, in other words, if you don't know then it means I don't WANT you to know, so don't bother asking me to tell you. I won't.

I just wanted to make it known why I have been acting extraordinarily not myself this week. I've been forgetting things, I've been overly angry and upset at stupid things that I normally wouldn't care about, and I've been not talking to certain people.

Case in point, I forgot that yesterday was my designated hang-out day with Terry. It just completely slipped my mind. And I wound up hanging out with other people. And now, I'm pretty sure Terry's upset with me. But that's fine, Terry loves me, he'll get over it.

And if he doesn't, I'll just kill him in his sleep. No more Terry = no more guilt!

Ahem.... at any rate though... some of you deserved an explanation as to why I've treated you the way I have. This isn't necessarily an excuse for behaving out of the ordinary... it's just an explanation.

The end.

The Return of the King

2005-02-09T16:07:00.000-06:00

There. I updated. Quit whining.

It seems like a year... oh, wait...

2005-01-26T19:22:00.000-06:00

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is to be an historic post here at the blog of the man you admire most in the world. This post officially marks the one year anniversary (well, one year and one day, I slacked a little bit) of the day I started this whole wacky journey that is Down With The Bourgeoisie/Mind-Bending Thoughts by Tim.

And, in honor of having been here for one year, I've decided to do a year in review post, summing up all the ups and downs of my life, and basically everything I talked about since I started here. This is an excellent place for any of you new wankers who haven't been following along the whole time like you should've been to go ahead and jump on the bandwagon that is my enormous following!

Ahem.

Anyway, it all started January 25th, 2004. I originally started this blog as a way to cope with the sulky-ness I was feeling at the time. I'd just had, basically, the worst Christmas Break of my life, parted ways with a girl I very much cared about, and was watching my mom's latest marriage come crashing down around her. Not a good time. So, I started here as a way to vent that.

A little while went by... and things got even worse for out intrepid hero! I found myself getting kicked out of Bernie's (my mom's husband...) house due to the fact that he believed I was ruining his an my mom's marriage. Personally, I think it was his drug abuse and subsequent false testimony he gave to my mother about said drug abuse that did it, but what do I know? I moved in with my sister and her boyfriend, which was actually much nicer... but, I continued to sulk anyway, largely, over the loss of Kristin. I had it bad for this girl, folks, in case you can't tell. Couple that with the fact that I'm a drama queen, and you get a messy breakup. If you read my posts from January to February... and maybe March, I can't remember, and I'm not gonna look, 'cause I'm lazy.... you'll see just how much of a whiney bitch I was. I don't recommend it, personally. Doesn't put me in a very good light.

Ha! As if THAT were possible. Not putting me in a good light... I crack me up.

Anyway, more time went by, and thanks to the fact that I simply couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING... I had to drop my English 102 class that I'd signed up for during my second semester of College, as well as my Biology 101 class, eventually. And the History telecourse I signed up to replace my English class. It wasn't pretty.

I also had to deal with someone who would at first be one of my least favorite people ever, but would soon evolve to become one of my closest friends at SWIC. A man named Eric Zimmler. There was also a girl named Katie Goldstein, who I may have had a shot at, romantically, but I was too busy sulking. Besides, Eric wound up turning his life back around for this girl, he deserves her. But that comes later. Back to me meeting Eric... Eric, had been, when I met him, a member of the American Nazi Party for approximately 1 month. He'd joined for reasons he'd rather I didn't divulge, but trust me, they were bad reasons, he'll readily admit. As if there's ever a GOOD reason to join the American Nazi Party, but he didn't even believe in what they believed. He was just angry. And, as time went on, he and I realized that despite our differing "ideologies", we got along. His ideology being Nazism, mine of course, being Communism... which, to be completely honest, I'm almost as embarrassed about as he is of his Nazism. At any rate, I am no longer a Communist. I still think it's a nifty idea and all, but that's really ALL it is.... an idea. No, I'm a member of the Democratic Party now, which is working out well for me. Eric, despite quitting being a Nazi, just went and became a Republican. When I informed him there was no difference, he, in much cruder terms, told me to fornicate myself.

God, I'm hilarious.

Anyway... BEFORE he'd quit the Nazi Party, I'd introduced Eric to Katie... and the two of them immediately hit it off. They got along perfectly from the beginning and got so flirty flirty in front of me, that I wanted to vomit all over them. I tried to, several times, but I am unfortunately not one of those individuals that can vomit on command. Anyway, things were heading straight toward relationship-ville for both of them. There was only one roadblock. Katie came to me and told me, while she really cared about Eric, as long as he was a Nazi, she couldn't be with him. Despite the fact that her family doesn't practice the religion, ethnically, Katie is Jewish. Dun dun DUUUUUN.

Without hesitation, Eric resigned from the party to be with Katie. The two also had a big, private discussion on ideologies that I wasn't let in on, but I think it's safe to say, everything was settled, and the two got together.

Which didn't help me. While I was given a temporary reprieve from my sulking whilst I helped the two love birds fall for eachother, as soon as they WERE together, I went back into sulk mode. Even after Eric threatened to put me on the Eric Zimmler Will Kick Your Ass Anti-Depression Plan.

A few more weeks went by.... and then came the event that would finally turn me away from my depression and sulky ways.... MELHS's production of Little Shop of Horrors. I got roped into helping out back stage, by Goddess of Darkness, Lisa Keaton, after I showed up for one of the Hell Week practices. Not that I minded. I had a lot of fun.

Which is pretty much what changed everything. While I was working backstage, even for just those three days, it made me realize that there WAS more out there for me to do then sulk. And that while I was doing those things, it made me realize how ridiculous I was being. And I just had so much fun, being around a play again, and being with all my friends in one place again, Zach, Paul, Anna, and the rest... well.... and there was something else that kinda took my mind off of everything.

While working on the play, I stumbled across a girl named Lauren Gerber. I'm not sure what it was that attracted me to her at first.... but something definitely DID attract me to her. During my time working on the play, I hung out with her quite a bit. During the after party of the play she and I got pretty snuggly. It really seemed like I was on my way into another relationship.... one that, apparently, I was being warned against by Anna... she claims she warned me... I remember her encouraging me, so I'm going to assume it was just another example of that infuriating Girl-code all women speak. But, that's not really the point. The point is, it seemed like I was well on my way into another relationship and I was totally ready for it. We even kissed! In the park! During a rainstorm! How romantic is THAT?!

A little time went by... school got out, and I got A's in the two classes that I hadn't dropped... go me... the summer started up, and I was totally ready for it.... and apparently, the kiss had made Lauren realize she wasn't ready for a relationship. So, for the second time in my life, I was, as Anna and Eva would put it... pre-dumped.

The funny thing was, it bummed me out for like... a day. Then after that I was fine. No more sulking. About Lauren. About Kristin. About anything! And I think it was a combination of a few things that had cured me. Number one, was the play. I realized how much more productive getting out and doing something, rather then laying in bed and staring at the ceiling was. How it made me realize I had more I could be doing than sulking. Secondly, even though it didn't go anywhere, my faux relationship with Lauren made me realize that it was possible for me to get into another relationship... well, it's not like I thought it was impossible for me to get into another relationship... I mean, come on, look at me. I suppose, I simply figured that any relationship I'd get into would just remind me of the previous one and make me unhappy again. And the little tryst I had with Lauren helped me realize that this wasn't the case. And that made me happy.

That and it was summer time, and I was looking forward to some fun and fast times with the runnin' crew, Zach, Anna, Eva, and the gang.

The summer passed by relatively uneventfully, however. Sure, it had it's moments. Seeing Spider-Man 2 with Anna, Ambyre, and Dan was pretty kickin'. Some of the hangouts at Than's house were super cool. Zach and his band the Hot Rodder's gave a badass performance in Prairietown. Eva's move was a pretty big deal. Finally don't have to deal with HER anymore. HA! I kid, I kid.

I still have deal with her. I can't help it. She got a cell phone.

Ha! I kid again... or do I?!? No, I do. But not really. Seriously, though.

The Skynyrd concert was rockin', of course. That came at the tail end of the summer, and I pretty much consider it the biggest event that transpired over the three months. I mean, hell, just go back and look at my blog during the summer months. With the exception of a few online quiz results, I really didn't do much in the way of posting.

Then, came the fall. By this time, I had gotten a job at Kruta's bakery. My blogger posts had gone from angsty and regretful, to goofy and nonsensical.

With the exception of around election time. I made a pretty big post about why George W. Bush pisses me off. And why I was voting for Kerry... who lost. Ah, well. Life goes on, I suppose.

Sooooo.... more uneventful time passes.... I got really upset at myself for a while, blaming yours truly for Terry's current prediciment... the depression thing.... of which I no longer blame myself by the way... read the Exorcist.

And then there was the legendary trip to Florida, that I never did get around to telling all you Bloggerites about.

And I'm still not gonna.

Ahhhh.... and then came the legendary Quest Dream. Man, that dream was wacked. Like, wiggidy wack, not the regular type. That Quest Dream raised a lot of issues that I'm still currently working on figuring out.

Anyway of course, Christmas came, which was a rockin' good time. As it usually is.

Christmas was followed by another night of trippy dreams, this one involving God, the devil, and myself... I'm not really sure what to make of that one, and to be honest I don't really think about it. It makes my head hurt.

And then came the next dream about the Mystery Girl. And this dream pretty much solidified that this girl is on my mind quite a bit. And, as I said in the post I made about the dream, I'm still not exactly sure what to do about it. So, I'm going to let things transpire on their own, and not dwell on it. Whatever will be, will be!

And, that's pretty much all the high points! A TON has changed since I started the old Blogger up, back in early '04. People've come and gone, I've gone through changes, other people have gone through changes. Relationships have ended, new ones have started. My sister and Josh got engaged, my mom moved out on her own in a place in St. Louis. I cut my hair.

I'm really glad I started this blog. Way back when, I used to criticize these things, but now I realize that they're really nice for getting some things off your chest, or just goofing around when you're bored.

So, here's to one year of my Blog! And hopefully many more to come! And you punkasses better keep reading, cause I'm gonna keep writing.

And if you don't keep reading, I'll find you. I have powers.

The end.

What Dreams May Come... and What May Come of Them...

2005-01-15T16:53:00.000-06:00

Okay. So... Last night, I dreamt about her again.

You all know who I'm talking about. All of you that regularly read my blog anyway... Well, okay, you may not know WHO exactly she is, but.... it's the Mystery Girl, okay, the one from my crazy dream with Darth Vader and the Surrealist Room and the dance and Mr. Redden and Ponivas...

I dreamt about her again last night. I don't remember this one as vividly as the Quest Dream. All I know is this one was WAY more down to Earth. And I think it took place in a few different areas. I seem to remember it starting out with me at work. I don't know why. I think she was there, too (and in case anybody's wondering, no, the Mystery Girl isn't anybody from work.) I remember her telling me something, about how she'd finally decided on going out with this one guy (who was also named, but at the risk of exposing certain aspects I will refrain from naming him) even though she really didn't want to. This sort of made sense in the dream... doesn't really right now, but in the dream it did.

Anyway... a lot of stuff that I can't remember followed.... and the dream ended with the Mystery Girl, me, and several of my friends in a parking lot somewhere. Aaron and Josh were there. So was Anthony. And Paul, I think. Terry, too. And, I wanna say Alex and Chappell, but I'm not sure. I dunno where this parking lot was. Presumabely in the middle of nowhere, as I seem to recall nothing but grass and sky stretching off in every direction from the parking lot. And there was a green hill at one end. In any case, the Girl and I kind of walked away from the group... we were all celebrating something, I think... anyway, she and I walked away, and I put my arm around her, and she put her hand on my hand, which was on her shoulder, and we both looked at each other... and she leaned forward and put her forehead against mine... and we looked at each other for a bit longer... and we got a little closer.

And then my God damned, motherfucking alarm clock went off and abruptly woke me up! And I was insanely bummed by the fact that this was just a dream. Like, I laid there in bed staring at the ceiling doing everything in my power to argue the logic that the dream was real. But alas, as I became more aware of my surroundings, I realized that the dream was simply a dream, and that it had resoundingly been crushed by the vile darkness that is reality.

So, now I'm left to ponder what these dreams mean... well, okay, I think a moron can see what they mean. What I'm left to do is decide what to do about them. Because I don't know. I'm bad at this stuff to begin with, and there are other factors that complicate THIS particular situation. I guess I'll just see where things go from here.

The end.

U.S.A! U.S.A!

2005-01-06T16:01:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday I looked in Zach and Terry’s blogs/xangas and I found one of these online, fill-er-out dealies. So, in the spirit of conformity, I too have decided to fill one out. Enjoy! Or don’t, I don’t care.

Name: Timothy Edward Albaugh III… minus III… ah, an oldie but a goody… right, guys?

Age: 20… So damn old…

Zodiac: Sagittarius… born in the year of the Rat.

Location: Collinsville, Illinois

Gender: Male

Birthday: December 9^th, 1984

Height: 5’05”

Weight: 111 lbs.

Eyes: blue

Hair: Varies. Sometimes it’s blonde, sometimes dishwater blonde… I’ve even heard brown on some occasions.

Favorite Band: The Offspring

Favorite Song: One Fine Day… also by the Offspring

Least Favorite: Linkin Park

A band/singer you wished you hated: Blink 182… and the Ataris… I should hate them both on principle… but, alas, I do not.

A band/singer you listen to but hate: Bowling For Soup, JUST for the song “1985”

Favorite one to two lines of a song: Psh… I dunno… I don’t keep track of mundane things like that.

Song that puts you in your happy place: Again… Offspring, “One Fine Day”

Name a depressing song: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day… Glysterine by Bush… Here Without You by 3 Doors Down… Hoo, especially that last one.

Favorite Food: Pork fried rice.

Favorite TV Show: That 70's Show… it was Angel, but the sons of bitches at the WB cancelled it.

Favorite Book: The Exorcist… or The Return of the King.

Favorite Color: Red.

Favorite Season: The Summer. Probably the only man alive that prefers heat to cold. Weirdos…

Favorite movie: Shaun of the Dead

Least favorite: House of 1000 Corpses, Dungeons and Dragons

Which movie have you seen most? Lord of the Rings, Tommy Boy

How many times? Bunches of times.

Why? Because I said so.

Best soundtrack: Lord of the Rings

How are you feeling today? Better than yesterday. Stomach flu. Made me go AGHBLAARGHH!!

Are you usually happy or sad? I like to think I’m a happy individual when I’m not worried about stupid things, or stressed out.

How many people would you like to kill (in the face)? I honestly don’t think I’d want to see anyone DEAD… maybe, like, imprisoned on a deserted island, but not dead.

How's life at home? Groovy

If you have siblings, do you get along with them? Yes, I do. I’d better. She’s basically my landlord.

Have you lost any family members? My grandpa on my dad’s side… my great grandpa John on my mom’s side.

Do you get along with your parents? Yeah.

Have you ever cussed someone out? Yeah, but never in seriousness.

Have you ever mugged someone? Like, with a gun? No, the government doesn’t let me have guns anymore.

What is your greatest fear? Dying alone. Not that I think I will, but it would suck if I did.

What makes you happy? My friends, Especially Zach, Dan, Anna, Terry, Aaron, Anthony, Josh, Paul, Alex… It’s kinda a long list. Writing makes me happy too. And funny stuff.

If you could sit down to a cup of coffee with anyone who would it be? That’s a tough one… probably one of my directing idols… Kevin Smith, Quentin Tarantino, or George Romero.

Do you like to smile? Yes I do

...Do you know smiling is good for you? Yes I do.

Do you get frustrated easily? I can at times.

How tolerant are you of others? Pretty tolerant. But cross me, and I hate you forever.

Do you act your age? Sometimes. Rarely.

Have you ever commited a crime? I… turned left on red once. Yeah, no.

What was it? I told you, I turned left on red.

Have you been in jail? Nope.

Hugs or Kisses: Depends on what the mood calls for. Hugs are cool. So are kisses… but definitely not in public… not anymore leastways… let’s talk about something else!

Candles or Lights: Lights. Candle’s burn.

Stars or Sun: Sunny time!

Brush or Comb: Brush, cause I have long, girl hair.

Pixy Stix or Fun Dip: I dunno, they both make me spaz and forget things.

Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb: Whichever one’s cheaper.

Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter: Lord of the Rings, definitely.

Barbies or Action Figures: Action Figures

The Matrix or Minority Report: Don’t get me started on the freaking Matrix…

England or United States: United States… we saved England’s ass in TWO World Wars!

Starbucks or Java City: Don’t give a crap.

CDs or Records: CDs.

Be at the game or Watch the game at home: At the game. Of course, then they lose. Trust me, it makes sense.

Cheetos or Doritos: Cheetos, but only the puffy kinds.

Playstation or Nintendo: Playstation, though I’m not much in the way of gaming anymore.

TV or Movies: Movies. I DO wanna be a director, after all.

Individual or team sports: Uhhh… team. Cause then I don’t have to do anything.

Day or Night: Well, let’s sit down and think about this… I prefer the sun over stars… Summer is my favorite time of the year… Hmmmmm… put it together, stupid.

Mysterious or Outgoing: Outgoing.

Blondes or Brown: I prefer dark hair… yet both of my major relationships have been with blonde’s… ah, the Universe is a funny thing

Blue or Green eyes: Well, again, I prefer dark eyes as well, but out of the two… green.

Virgins or Experienced: Ya know, originally I had virgin, but honestly, as long as they're not some disgusting whore, I won't shun someone who's experienced.

Security or Happiness: I’ll have to agree with Terry and Zach… one and the same, really.

Pool or Spa: Spa.

Books or Internet: Books.

School or Work: Work.

Public Transportation or Private: Private. Now that I can drive.

Color or Black and White Photos: Color. Everything seems too distant in black and white.

Tape or Tacks: What? Who gives a damn?

Bike or Skate: Bike

Out on the town or home in PJs with a movie and food with boy/girlfriend: I don’t HAVE a girlfriend… thank you ever so much for reminding me!

Long but unhappy life or short and fulfilled life: Long and fulfilled. I don’t go for that either/or crap.

Kissing in the rain or kissing infront of the fireplace: Heh… I actually have kissed someone in the rain before. Not in front of a fireplace… well, technically, yes, I’ve done that too, but there was no fire in the fireplace… as to which one I prefer… I dunno, they were both nice.

Be the life of the party or skip out on the party: Life of the party. I love attention, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

Is it okay for the girl to ask the guy out or not: Yes, in fact it makes things easier sometimes.

Skater shoes or Fashionable Shoes: I-don’t-give-a-damn shoes.

Who is the last person that called you? Anna, I think. Or Aaron. Not too sure.

Who is the last person you called? Again, probably Anna or Aaron.

Are you in love? At the moment? No, I wouldn’t say I’m in love.

How many times have you been in love? That’s a toughie. Once for sure, maybe twice. I’d tell you the story, but it’s long. And I don’t feel like it.

Does the person know? Does the girl know I’m not in love with her now? Yeah… they all do, I think. Does the girl I WAS in love with know I was in love with her? Yup. They both do. Again… long story.

Are you in a relationship? Sigh… once again, NO.

If so, for how long? Boy, you just love pouring salt in the wound, don’t ya?

Do you believe there is someone out there for everyone? Yes I do.

Have you ever been dumped? Yes I have. Several times. Again, thanks.

Have you ever dumped anyone? No I have not.

What's the most sexual thing you've done with the opposite sex? I don’t believe that constitutes as YOUR business… you hurt my feelings…

Oh, and by the way ladies... I've got skills!

Napoleon Dyanamite
(Please rate my quiz)

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dream, dream, dream...

2005-01-03T22:01:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I promised more info later and now I'll deliver.

Last night was really funky for me. I mean like... REALLY funky. Not like events that took place during the night, but rather, some of the funky, freaky dreams I had. And actually, it was a series of interconnected dreams. Like, I'd wake up, fall back asleep, and then the dream would continue.

The weirdest thing is... and this is gonna sound bonky... but I'm not even sure they were dreams.

So, I suppose I should explain myself. Alright, here goes.

Basically, all the dreams entailed, were me in my room having a conversation of sorts with what I can only assume were God and the devil.

At least I'd assume the dark, hulking, red-eyed thing in the corner of the room was supposed to be the devil. And the disembodied, feathery, echoy voice that kept me from panicking because of previously mentioned, hulking, red-eyed thing, was supposed to be God... or an angel... or something.

All I know is at certain points, there'd be periods where I'd wake up, and these two things... the voice and the monster... were gone. And strangely enough, dreams like this usually cause me to NOT want to go back to sleep, but for some reason, last night I only wanted to go back to sleep and finish the dream. You ever do that? I've done that before, a few times. Never for dreams like this though.

And, eventually I'd fall asleep, and similar events would transpire. Nasty monster in the corner, growling about unpleasent things that I don't remember. Whispery, echoy voice responding with things that instantly made me feel better.

I can't remember the conversations as a whole, but I can remember bits and pieces. I know that Zach was mentioned. I know that Anna was mentioned. I know that my mom, sister, Josh, and Terry were mentioned. I know that faith and the end of the world were primary topics.

I dunno what brought on these dreams. Maybe it was the fact that I've felt guilty about not keeping up with church. That was weighing particularly heavily on my mind last night, for reasons unknown.

Or maybe it was something far stupider. Like, the Buffy marathon I fell asleep to, that deals with stuff like hulking, demonic monsters, and feathery, echoy, deities all the time.

All I know is that it made my last night very weird, and my today even weirder.

This will require lots of heavy thinking.

The end. For now.

Wow... Just Wow...

2005-01-03T14:00:00.000-06:00

I had a pretty funky night last night. Like... dreamwise and stuff. I'll fill you all in later, but right now I'm getting ready to go to Steak N' Shake with Ashley to get my damn story back that I let her borrow.

Also, I feel I need to confess to everyone how big of a hypocrite I've been as of late. I haven't... exactly been going to church as often as I should be (this is indeed connected to the dreams last night, in case you were wondering.) I really need to get back into the habit of going to church every Sunday, because... well, 'cause while I consider myself a faithful person, I don't really do much in the way of showing my faith all the time, and while my life hasn't always been the happiest, there are quite a few things that I've truly been blessed with, that I don't think I've shown the proper amount of gratitude for. I think the main reason I haven't been keeping up with church as vigorously as I should is that I really, really don't care for Holy Cross, the church that I'm supposedly a member of. There's just something about the place... and I'd be lying if I said it had nothing to do with Pastor Engfher, who, as most people that know me know, I'm not a big fan of.

Okay, well... it actually feels a bit better to get all of that out in the open.

More later... for real this time.

The end for now.

I'm Patheti-sad!

2005-01-02T23:03:00.000-06:00

Soooooooooooooooooo.... what's been going on during MY break?

Nothing. Really. I've hung out with Anna a few times. Zach once. Aaron, Anthony, Josh and them a couple of times. Same ol' same ol' really.

I've also become re-hooked on Buffy the Vampire Slayer since my sister got seasons 6 and 7. Season 6 was dark and twisted and creepy and I didn't care much for it. Season 7 however is really really good. I haven't finished it yet, but I'm blowing through it pretty quickly.

And as usual, with everything I watch I draw parallels between myself and certain characters and situations. Particularly the character Spike. How do I relate to Spike, you ask? I don't really wanna get into it, but trust me, there are some painfully clear similarities between he and I.

Well... that's all for now.

Represent.

Truth is in the Eye... YOUR Eye!!!!

2004-12-24T16:47:00.000-06:00

So, in my last post I said I'd have a really interesting post later in the day.

That was two days ago.

I think we've all been here long enough to realize that I tell lies. A lot. Especially in my blog. Maybe I'll write an interesting post later. Maybe I won't. We'll see what happens.

Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas... uh, Eve.

Prelude...

2004-12-22T08:56:00.000-06:00

Well, I feel like it's time to update this dealy. I suppose I do have a rambling or two I can use to fill up some space. Unfortunately, it is also time for work. So I post now, assuring you that I will do a true post later on this evening. Be there for all the thrills and chills customary during the reading of my blog.

Score.

What a Horrible Night for a Curse...

2004-12-17T11:23:00.000-06:00

Ya know, I was just thinking... back in the olden days, when I used to play Castlevania 2, every time the sun would go down in the game, a message would flash on the screen:

"What a horrible night for a curse..."

Didn't think much of it at the time. Ya know, standard "Oh shit, now the monsters are harder!" fare most kids get while playing video games... well, minus the "Oh shit", I was afraid of curse words when I was a young 'un.

Anyway, NOW when I think about it, that message doesn't really make sense. What a horrible night for a curse? Is there ever a night where it ISN'T horrible to be cursed? Is there ever a night where you're just like "Wow, what an absolutely fantastic night to be cursed!" I dunno. I chalk it up to bad translating when the game was imported over.

Man, what the hell am I talking about?

Sailing into the West...

2004-12-15T23:55:00.000-06:00

Well, it's alllllllllllllllllllllll done! Finals are done! Classes are done! And the weight of the world is lifted off of mine shoulders.

Not only that, but everything just seems to be doing okay lately. I've been talking to Terry about his whole situation, and I feel much progress is being made on that front. He's a really good kid, he's just hit a rough spot. It's funny, 'cause people always talk about "family first" and all that stuff, but the funny thing is, I wanna help Terry more cause he's my friend than because he's family. I honestly think that some friendships can go MUCH deeper than any family ties could be.

Anyway, also, a sidenote to the rather unpleasant post I made yesterday. Once again, I had completely misjudged a situation, cause I do that, cause I'm impulsive and an attention whore 'n stuff. So, rest assured things on that front AREN'T as bad as I was making them out to be, and I've already apologized to the poor soul that was the brunt of my wild, witch-huntesque acusations.

Plus, as Paul would say "YAY! IT'S CHRISTMAS, IT'S CHRISTMAS!"... well, almost anyway. And honestly, I'm more excited about the prospect of giving out the presents that I spent too much of my money on than I am about recieving anything. I honestly don't know what I'd want, so I really think I could go the whole holiday without recieving a single present, and I wouldn't cry. I might break something in rage, but I wouldn't cry.

The only problem is, I kinda feel like everything's going cool for me while it's getting sorta worse for other people. I don't like that. It's like the universe has to balance itself or something. Stupid universe and its vertigo. I hate it so much.

Just hang in there, people. Tough it out, and things will get better. Thing's can always get better. Things always work out in the end. If thing's haven't worked out, well, then it ain't the end. Remember that.

And now that I'm done sharing my wholesome, family messages.... I'm off to bed.... or maybe I'll watch this "Dodgeball" DVD my sister rented, I haven't decided yet.

The end.

Yippee Skippee....

2004-12-15T00:18:00.000-06:00

Don't you just love it when you think you're closer than ever with one of your friends and then it just suddenly stops? Boy, I know I sure do!

Idiocy deserves nothing but a harsh rebuke!

2004-12-11T03:26:00.000-06:00

So, I recently discovered THIS interesting little message a fan left me in regards to the whole dream/mystery girl thing

And I quote: “hmmmmmmmm.... say, salma hayek is MEXICAN, isn't she? that couldn't POSSIBLY mean anything, now could it?”

Subtle, my friend, very subtle. Apparently, you think you’ve figured it all out, and you’re so confident in your thinly veiled allusion that you even posted anonymously!

Well, once again, my blogger audience has proven themselves to be profoundly stupid and completely in the wrong.

I have not dropped any hints whatsoever on who the mystery girl is and I don't intend to. If I wanted you morons to know who she is, I'd flat out tell you. I chose Salma Hayek simply because she is the hottest woman on the face of the planet. Her race had nothing to do with it. I honestly didn't even think about it.

But apparently Hitler back there did. What a bad person. Racist.

I hate the Matrix!

2004-12-05T01:05:00.000-06:00

So, I just recently saw something that REALLY pissed me off! I was on Amazon.com and I noticed this enourmous Matrix DVD set coming out... which I really think no one gives a damn about. Anyway, the damn thing is ridiculous, its ten discs long for three freaking movies. That's retarded. But that wasn't the thing that pissed me off.

What pissed me off was this BOOK I saw about the Matrix called "The Splinter in Your Mind: The Philosophy of the Matrix."

.........

THERE WAS NO REAL FUCKING PHILOSOPHY IN THE GODDAMNED MATRIX TRILOGY!!!

It was all regurgitated drivel from from a community college's Philosophy 101 book (I should know, I go to a community college) and thinly, THINLY veiled references to every single religion to ever exist. Wow, its obvious the [Retarded] Wachowski brothers know exactly where their philosophy stands.

For every choice, there is a consequence! OOOOOOOOO!! Wow, I didn't KNOW that! You mean if I do something, something will occur?! That's freaking DEEP! It's called cause and effect, jackasses! It's kind of a principle that, ya know, LIFE revolves around! Idiots!

Everything that has a beginning must have an end! You mean.... things don't just go on into infinity? Perpetual motion ISN'T possible? People.... die?!?!?! Well, what the hell, my whole world's gone topsy turvy!!

I'll tell you what kind of philosophy you can find in the Matrix: the same philosophy you can find in your toilet after a night of luxury dining at Taco Bell!

God DAMN, I hate the Matrix so much! The first one was good, but the second two sucked so hard, they made the first one crappy.

Now I'm all pissed.

I'm gonna go break something.

P.S. For no reason whatsoever, I've decided to also point out that The Ring sucked too!

I'm a giant freak.

2004-12-03T11:59:00.000-06:00

So, yeah.

I had a really crappy night last night, because there's something that's been bothering me all week, and I just kept pushing it asside for other stuff.

What I didn't realize was that I wasn't pushing anything asside, I was just letting it fill up like a balloonus.

And the balloonus exploded last night.

I think I either acted really weird, or really nasty to anyone I talked to last night, and I know neither of those is pleasant in my case. So, to anyone unfortunate enough to have spoken with me last night, I apologize.

The end.

Salma Hayek is a hottie!

2004-12-02T17:29:00.000-06:00

I've been getting a lot of people asking me "Who's the mystery girl from your dream?" Well, see, if I'd wanted you idiots to know who she was, I wouldn't have concealed the truth from you, now would I?

So, if you simply MUST have a face to go with the name, I've developed two things you can do to set your mind at ease on this whole matter.

If you're a girl, just picture yourself as the mystery girl cause, come on, you know you're all thinking it.

And if you're a guy, just picture the mystery girl as Salma Hayek. Because that would rule.

The end.

The Hero, the Girl, and Darth Vader...

2004-12-01T12:17:00.000-06:00

(Tim's note: I originally posted this yesterday, but today I figured out how to finally add titles to my blogs. So, this'll be my first titled entry! So, with that in mind (and the fact that it's a new month, and November had enough posts) I give you the deluxe, re-editted edition of yesterday's post!)

So, I had a Quest Dream last night. Really vivid one too.

What is a Quest Dream, you ask? Well, the term itself was coined by Josh (my sister's fiancee Josh, not clown-faced, exploding head Josh). According to him, every guy in the universe has one at one time or another. The dream itself is when a guy, more often then not the guy having the dream, goes on some outlandish, arduous quest to reach/save/do something for a girl. Most of the time its stuff like rescuing her from a tower, slaying a dragon that's trying to eat her, saving her from an evil wizard/criminal/boyfriend. Lame-o, cheese stuff like that. The girl is usually a real person too.

They're usually long, elaborate dreams and not very difficult to recall.

Mine was a little different than most.

It took place at a school dance, I think. Prom maybe, I dunno. The only reason I know it was a school dance is because everyone was dressed nicely and a bunch of people from my high school days were there. (Ponivas, Zach, Craig, Anna, Kristin, among others, to name a few.)

So, the dance itself was taking place at some ballroom on the top floor of some weird building. In order to GET to the floor, you had to go through this weird, huge room that looked like that one surrealist work of art, with all the doors and stairs going every which way. You know which one I'm talking about.

Anyway, the dream STARTED already in the ballroom, near as I can tell. I was dancing with a girl (whose name shall remain shrouded in anonymity, but rest assured, it is a girl I really know, but not one you might expect to be the "damsel in distress" so to speak in my dreams) and everything was going super.

Then, for some reason, the fire alarms went off, and since it was a dream everyone knew what was up: the faculty had decided to have a fire drill in the middle of the dance, and everyone who didn't get out of the building in five minutes got a failing grade and had to be held behind and lectured while all the passing students got to go back to the dance. Well, we all ran, the girl and I got separated, and Ponivas pushed me into a fountain. It took me a very long time to get out of the fountain and by the time I got out... you guessed it... it was too late! I made it to the designated point outside, but by the time I got there everyone was gone... except for Mr. Redden, who gave me an F and talked a long time about stuff I don't remember. All I remember was I was getting pissed cause the dance was going on without me and I had to get back to that girl!

So, finally Mr. Redden pulled out two swords, tossed me one, and said we had to duel in order for me to get back in. So duel we did and it was epic! And I won, finally, by disarming him and then he said something like "You have learned well, my son! Go!" or something like that, I don't remember.

So I ran back into the building and immediately came into the surrealist art room. And I was all confused as to how to get through it cause, hello, doors on the ceiling and floors? Stairs going everywhere? Then, my cousin Matthew (I don't know why) appeared to me all shimmering like Obi-Wan Kenobi and said something like "Only by unlocking the rooms secrets may you pass!" So I looked around and eventually I found this button. When you pressed the button, the whole room shook and one of the sets of stairs would fall down and a door would cave in. So I kept doing that until only one door and one set of stairs was left and I ran up it. The door came out into a room that was big and round and full of stars, like an observatory, where I was confronted by.... Darth Vader (who actually is a common dream adversary of mine, I once played basketball one on one with him in a forest... don't ask). He said something like "You'll never win!" and I shouted "You can't stop me!" and we dueled... me with the sword I still had from Mr. Redden, he with his lightsaber, and thankfully in dream world, lightsabers don't melt regular swords.

After another epic fight (I can only assume, the fight scenes got hazy) my cousin Matthew reappeared and started blasting Darth Vader with electricity saying something like "Go, I'll hold him off!"

So, I ran out of the room and into the next room which was the ballroom. I looked around for the girl and couldn't find her... but I found Ponivas. He laughed for pushing me in the fountain and I tackled him and we had a big fist fight which ended with me knocking him out cold in the same fountain he'd pushed me in I think. It was a fountain, that I know for sure.

By this time I specifically remember my suit that I was wearing was all disheveled now. My sleeves were ripped, my jacket and tie were gone, the collar was unbuttoned, and the whole shirt was untucked. Sorta like "Disheveled Mulder", as Anna would say. I don't know why I specifically remembered this but I think it was something like having your suit messed up like that was a big disgrace or something.

Anyway, I was all set to give up, when I saw the girl standing in the center of the dance floor. She smiled at me, I ran to her, dramatic music, la-dee-da, we shared the last dance in the spotlight in the center of the dance floor, everybody clapped.... and that was the end. I woke up, or fell into dreamless sleep stage, or something, I dunno.

Funky, huh? It actually was an awesome dream and a refreshing change of pace from the nasty nightmares I've been having lately. The only really strange part was who the girl was, but you're not going to get to learn that part of the story, so nyah nyah!

All in all, it was very interesting. I rarely have dreams that long or elaborate, but that one I did. And it's given me quite a bit to think about it. What can I say, I'm a cheesy romantic at heart, I guess. Or an incredible loser. Not that I'm asking you people's opinions on the subject, so keep your mouth shut, Zach.

Those crazy Quest Dreams.

2004-11-27T19:42:00.000-06:00

I've noticed that in a lot of people's profiles/sub-profiles/blogs/whatevers, they've been putting things like: "Note to George Lucas: Star Wars Episode III better be awesome!"

Well, allow me to issue a statement of my own to Giant Assface, I mean, George Lucas.

"Do not make Star Wars Episode III. Just pull the plug and cancel it. You've sullied the good name of Star Wars, and there's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that Episode III will be terrible. I don't care about 'unanswered questions' or 'wrapping up lose ends'. I care about salvaging what little dignity Star Wars has left. Just quit. You created some nice characters. But you suck at storytelling. Just retire and sell the stories to someone with some talent."

That is all.

2004-11-21T01:00:00.000-06:00

So, I recently got back from a trip from Florida, and I would tell you all about it, but that would involve me recounting everything that happened, and then I'd have to type it all out, and I already know what happened since I was there, so it would be boring for me. So I'm not going to do that.

What I am going to say is despite the fact that it was a nine day break from work and school, I already can't wait for my next break from work and school, Thanksgiving Break. Yes, I get work off on those days too, which kicks ass.

Sigh... stress. I don't even know where it's coming from. School and work aren't taking THAT much of a toll.... I just get stressed.

Ah well.

2004-11-18T01:25:00.000-06:00

We were friends
Once, so long ago
He and I
Now things are different

When we were young
We’d play all day
Without a care in the world
Side by side

We were inseparable
He much younger
I much older
He looked up to me…

He looked up to me
Looked to me to be his guide
And I did guide him
For a while

Years went by
Things changed
I found new friends
He did not

We drifted apart
I was glad
Glad to have moved on
Glad to be rid of him

“He never gives me a moment’s peace!”
“He’s always pestering me!”
“I can’t hang out with him all the time!”
“He’s not my only friend.”

But I was his.
And I abandoned him.
I hurt him
I destroyed him

Now he has new friends
Bad friends
Dangerous friends
And he wants to die

He lost his way
And he looked to me to guide
And I was no longer there
Because I had lost mine

He found new guides
In desperation
In my absence
And these guides destroyed him

I failed him
I failed my friend
Now he’s not my friend
My friend is dead

Because I killed him
Because I abandoned him
My friend. My friend.
I killed my friend

My friend who was always there for me
Was once my only friend
We were friends
Once, so long ago…

I am the worst human being in the entire universe. Just thought I should warn you all.

Goodnight.

2004-11-05T12:03:00.000-06:00

I've decided to do something different with today's post. I've decided to do a book review. Why? Well, A) its been a while since I've found a book that was interesting enough for me to blow through in a week like I did with this particular novel, and B) its a novel that I feel is greatly underrated and very, very misunderstood.

The novel is William Peter Blatty's The Exorcist.

Now, I know what a lot of people are thinking. "Ugh, how could you read that dreck! That horrible filth that does nothing but glorify the devil and demonic possession."

Well, no. If you actually read the book, you'll see that while the events that transpire are very horrific, and I won't lie, extraordinarily offensive, you'll also see that at the core, the novel isn't about the demonic possession at all. Its about the conflict between good and evil. Its about how doubt and faithlessness concieve powerlessness. How sometimes there are things that go beyond the help of science, or medicine. How sometimes, in order to save a life, logic and facts must be put asside and replaced by faith and courage to face the unknown.

I borrowed this summary from Amazon.com, because if I tried to summarize the novel, it would take forever.

"A visiting actress in Washington, D.C., Chris MacNeil, notices dramatic and dangerous changes in the behavior and physical make-up of her 12-year-old daughter, Regan. Meanwhile, a young priest at nearby Georgetown University begins to doubt his faith while dealing with his mother's terminal sickness. And, book-ending the story, a frail, elderly priest recognizes the necessity for a show-down with an old demonic enemy."

That's the very basic version. As it turns out, the 12 year old girl's behavior simply cannot be explained by medical science. Every doctor she is taken to is baffled, every psychiatrist completely at a loss (particularly the one that is attacked by the girl.) Finally, the atheistic actress turns to her last resort, as often is the case with the previously faithless: the Church.

Enter Father Karras, a priest whose mother has recently succumbed to illness, a priest who feels guilty for, as he sees it, abandoning his mother for his faith. Karras has, for quite a while, begun to feel heavy doubts in his beliefs, and throughout the novel, inwardly tries to rationalize everything that happens to Regan. Some of his rationalizations become even less believable than the idea of a higher power being in control, but Karras is afraid of re-embracing his faith for fear that he'll just be disappointed again. Finally, still not completely certain of his faith, he requests permission to perform an exorcism on the girl.

Enter Father Merrin. The Church, well aware of Karras's crisis of faith, opts to bring in an experienced exorcist, a man who had his own crisis of faith until he was forced into a showdown with a devil years ago during a dramatic exorcism in Africa.

I won't ruin everything, but basically by the end of the novel, Karras realizes the only way to truly save Regan from the devil that has infected her, is to abandon his "rationalizations" and come to terms with the fact that only through God, and faith, can he hope to defeat not only Regan's literal demon, but his internal, metaphorical demons as well.

I find this to be a very good message indeed. Now, a lot of people will say "Okay, he tacked on a happy message, but that's not excuse for the vulgarity.

In all honestly, I don't think the message would have had as much of an impact, were it not for the absolutely graphic and vile nature of the demonic entity. Willam Peter Blatty included the vulgarity, and purposely made it offensive to get across one message: there does exist true, extreme, absolute, and unadulturated evil in this world. Evil that does not hold back. Evil that will scar. Evil that will do the worst imaginable things. But that there is a very real and effective defense against this evil. Faith. Through faith in God, even such powerful, pure evil can be defeated.

The Exorcist was a very powerful novel. It was very gritty, very realistic, and very raw. And it also came with a very good message. It isn't a message for everyone, however. If you're perfectly satisfied with your faith and beliefs, and have a distaste for the horror genre, you may just find The Exorcist nothing but offensive and disturbing. But if your one who constantly forgets that God is in all things, that He shouldn't be a last resort, but a first resort, and that through faith in Him even the most vile of darknesses can be lifted... one like me, who unfortunately sometimes places too much in front of his faith... The Exorcist can be just the jolt you need.

That, and its a damn good read. It's very well written, and very, very enthralling. If you enjoy good literature, you'll most likely enjoy The Exorcist.

There's also a sequel called Legion, which I plan on picking up. You'll most likely find a review of that one later.

So, to make a long story short, The Exorcist was a good novel. Well written, good message, but you may want to stay away from it if you don't like scary stuff or are easily offended. I won't lie, the book made me cringe a few times and made my nights a little more restless. And that's kinda tough to do, for me. But, it wasn't anything unbearable.

Anyway, books are good. That's my main point.

Au revoir, kiddies.

2004-11-02T18:45:00.000-06:00

Okay, I feel really dumb for how I handled the whole Bush thing a few posts ago. I really don't hate the guy. I was pissed off at a particular Bush supporter I knew and needlessly flew off the handle at Bush.

However, I still stand by a lot of the things I said.

I'd also like to address Poster #1. (Whom I think I know who they are, and I'm sure they're not trying to hide their identity, but at the risk of my being wrong, I'll refrain from saying their name.

I still am not convinced on the Weapons of Mass Destruction thing. I haven't found what I would consider a single reliable source that says anything about weapons being found. Plus, as I said, everytime he's addressed about no weapons being found, Bush begrudginly concedes. The first debate, when Kerry specifically brought this up are a prime example of that. And thirdly, I decided to go to the source, and check a guy in the know. I asked my Uncle John, and he said he wasn't sure, but as far as he knew.... no, nothing was found. Of course, he's not the president, and he's not directly involved with the Iraqi War, so its possible he's wrong, I dunno.

Secondly... the arguement on North Korea didn't add up. North Korea wouldn't hesitate to bomb us, there's an entire ocean separating us, but there's only a line on a map separating them from China. China has the largest army in the world and is on good terms with the Koreans. I doubt they'd fear an attack from North Korea. I don't think the Korean's would dare attack China, they know they'd be crushed instantly. I still say the "Let China handle them" policy is no good.

Oh, and that whole Iraq is responsible for terrorism, JUST because they're anti-America... THAT was the weakest arguement I've ever heard. I don't care who said it. That doesn't work. Anti-Americanism breeds terrorism, eh? Well, better get rid of the entire European Union (except for Lapdog Town, I mean, England), most of Asia, Canada, Cuba, three or four countries in South America, the Middle-East, and half the population of America itself, they're all Terror-breeders!

And thirdly, basically, your arguement on Iraq becoming an unstable terror zone was "oh well, the Middle-East is known for this, big deal." I find that completely unnacceptable. If its okay for Iraq to degenerate into instability and chaos after we went through so much trouble to boot out the dictator and install a new government, then our going over there really WAS useless. I think the Iraqi's deserve as much time as they want for their elections. Forcing them to have elections by OUR deadlines isn't a good plan. And despite the fact that I said I don't hate Bush, I DO hate Donald Rumsfeld with a fiery vengeance. Alex, you seem fond of hurling insults at anyone that hopes for true peace in Iraq. Bush supporters seem fond of saying "Well, its stupid to hope for any real peace over there, that's just the way it is in the Middle-East!" Okay... so we didn't go over there to achieve peace for the Iraqi people? Then, when you bring up the WMD thing, people say "Well, that wasn't Bush's ONLY reason for invading!" Okay... so... if it wasn't for the weapons... and it wasn't for peace... what was it for, exactly?

Lastly, I have to admit that I completely agree with you on the stance of abortion. I think abortion is horrible and wrong. But, as bad as this is going to sound, its not really much of an issue for me, because I guarantee you no matter who is in charge, or what their stance on abortion is, it's legality is never going to change. I guarantee it.

That being said... election night. Tonight. Hope it doesn't end up like 2000.

Au revoir.

2004-11-01T23:05:00.000-06:00

I would like to take this opportunity to retract one of my opening statements from my last entry. Where I said it was "stupid" to support Bush.

I disagree with Bush, and I support Kerry. But I don't think people that support Bush are stupid.

Have a nice day. And go vote.

2004-11-01T01:05:00.000-06:00

Okay, I've had it. I've been trying to keep my damn opinions to myself on this whole election thing, but I can't do it anymore. Too many people support Bush. It's stupid. I don't get it.

Kerry's a flip-flop. I know this. I'm not an idiot. And heaven forbid a man should actually change his mind on something. I suppose Kerry should be more like President Bush. Stick with his stance no matter what, even if the facts proving your fallacy are specifically placed directly in front of your face dozens upon dozens of times.

Bush said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. There were not. Bush said there was a direct connection between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaida. Okay, sure... if by connection, you mean Saddam Hussein himself was on the Al-Qaida's hitlist. Bush said finding Osama Bin Laden was a number one priorty. Then, a few weeks ago in a response to accusations that Bush was putting the situation with Iraq ahead of the situation with Afghanistan, he retorts with a "Osama Bin Laden is no longer a concern." Hmmm... didn't Bush say something about not resting until Bin Laden had been found? Now he's no longer a concern? The most dangerous man in the world, the first person in 60 years to launch such a devestatingly effective attack on the United States is still at large and no longer a concern?! I guess that's what happens you outsmart Bush... he decides to pretend you're no longer a threat. Its called the Ostrich Syndrome. If you pretend not to see something, it ain't really there. Bush tries to pretend he no longer sees Bin Laden as a problem. Therefore, he no longer is. See how that works? Good. Moving right along.

Bush is ignoring the situation with North Korea. I like how Iraq, a nation that has nothing to do with us, a nation that we stopped from invading another nation (Kuwait, a nation ruled by an absolute monarch which is OBVIOUSLY nothing like a dictatorship. ** slow sarcastic clap **), a nation that ALLEGEDLY had weapons of mass destruction, is higher on the priorities list than a nation that has OPENLY STATED that they are developing nuclear weapons, and has said, also openly, that they plan to use these weapons on the United States. "Let China handle them." says Bush. Oh, wonderful idea! Let a giant crazy Communist nation handle the smaller crazy Communist nation! I wish I were as brilliant a tactition as Bush.

So now we've taken Saddam Hussein out of power. Okay. That's good. He was evil.

We also completely destablized the nation and given thousands of psychotic guerilla factions the opening they were looking for. And now one of George Bush's cohorts, the equally brilliant Donald Rumsfeld is pushing for free elections in Iraq in January no matter what. Even though the Iraqi people protest the elections saying they need more time. Only about 15% of the population will even be capable of voting come January. "Oh well!" says Rumsfeld, all smiles. "Nothing's perfect!"

** More slow, sarcastic clapping **

Brilliant. So, when the elections DO take place, and people are "elected", people that 85% of the population had no say in one way or the other.... well.... that 85% probably isn't going to be happy. So then we'll have a nation full of angry people unhappy with their new "democratically elected" leaders, leaders who do NOT have the strength to stave off any revolutions.

Don't think the Iraqi people would revolt so quickly? Why don't you go look up Iraq's history before Saddam's Ba'ath Party took power.

This of course will only give the guerilla factions an even stronger foothold, and Iraq will become a war torn, revolutionary nation with a powerless government that has to keep itself secreted away from the dozens of would-be assassins, while everyday life is governed by radical guerilla fighters and.... the dreaded t-word... terrorists!!

And of course the people will be unhappy about this. And who will the terrorists tell them to blame?

The same people they ALWAYS tell them to blame. Us. America. They'll say "America destroyed your government and stability! America forced you to behave the way they do! And look what its gotten you!!"

Then there will just be one more place for Osama and his crew to hide and orchestrate their networks from.

And President Bush maintains that if he had to do it all over again, he would change absolutely nothing. He would follow the same course of action to the T. Mission accomplished, right Mr. President?

John Kerry has admitted his mistakes in the past. Kerry is willing to admit when he's wrong, and do what he has to to go back and correct the problem. He plans on attempting to branch out and form a true coalition of nations to restabilize Iraq. George Bush won’t allow this. Because nations like France, Germany, and Russia refused to fight in Bush’s war (for shame! Not allying yourself to fight in a foreign war that effects you approximately zero percent!) Bush won’t allow them to be part of the reconstruction. Never mind that it would be much more logical for several nations to help in the reconstruction, and that security and popular support in the U.S. would be greater, these nations have to learn their lesson! If you don’t do what George Bush says, you have to sit in the corner for five minutes! George Bush believes himself to be infallible. He will not go back and correct any of his mistakes because he doesn't believe he's made any. And he responds to any accusations of mistakes made with hostility. You try to correct him, he just gets angry. Basically, it almost seems like he feels peoples' protest of his policies is even MORE of an incentive for him to stick to his course.

John Kerry MUST be elected president this Tuesday. There's already an enormous mess that Bush is sitting on top of, refusing to clean up, with his arms crossed and a pouty expression on his face. If he's allowed to do this for four more years, who knows how large that pile will have grown to and how badly it will have festered.

Vote for John Kerry on November 2nd. Please.

Kerry/Edwards '04: For a Stronger America

2004-10-22T01:42:00.000-05:00

Wow. I just realized that Star Wars thing I'm supposedly going to do... I said I'd do it almost a month ago now.

Man, I'm a liar!

2004-10-17T21:57:00.000-05:00

God damn.... Well, I've just decided that Freddy Krueger is without a doubt one of the scariest concepts I've ever come across. Why? Because he's based on a very real concept. Nightmares. And when you happen to have a nightmare about him, especially when its one of those rare and scientifically confounding waking nightmares that I've had more than once... it really gets ya.

So here's what happened. I was laying in bed. Lights on. Not tired at all. Just about a half hour ago. I was watching a movie... perhaps the inspiration for the nightmare, as it was indeed a Freddy movie, Wes Craven's New Nightmare, which is undoubtadely the scariest of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.... and I swear I do NOT remember getting tired, or falling asleep or ANYTHING! But apparently, sometime during the movie, the dream started.

And IN the dream, I was watching... yup. Wes Craven's New Nightmare. And this was, by the way, the most vivid dream I have EVER had in my entire life. Most of my dreams are foggy and hazy, but this one was a direct continuation of what I'd been doing when I must've fallen asleep, and it seemed SO INCREDIBLY REAL! That's never ever happened to me befre.

Anyway, as I'm watching the movie the phone rings. So I go into the kitchen to get it, I pick it up, and a REALLY creepy voice says "One, two, Freddy's coming for you!"

About that time, the window in the back door, which is located in the kitchen, exploded, and Freddy's claw came crashing through.

And THAT's when I woke up.

The creepiest thing about the whole deal was that what woke me up was the fact that Aradin, my sister's German Shepherd was going absolutely berserk in her kennel. She was thrashing around, whimper, and howling like she'd just been hit by a truck. This is my sister's trained, attack dog, that ran face first into a tree once and didn't flinch. I let her out of her kennel and her ears were down, her tail was between her legs, and she was shivering worse than I've ever seen a dog shiver before.

If I'm lyin' I'm dyin' folks...

Perhaps I shouldn't have used that terminology. Oh well...

The sleeping process is going to be tons of fun tonight, I can tell...

2004-10-06T18:03:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I know I said I'd do the Star Wars thing and I still am. You can't rush genius (or lethargy.)

So in the mean time, I thought this little piece of info I heard from a very reliable source would tide you all over.

GWEN MERCER HAS A MUSTACHE!!!

It's a good thing I have her blocked. I'd be hearing about that for the rest of my life. By the way, are you surprised?

Yeah, me neither. As a matter of fact, I would've been surprised had she not.

Next time, Star Wars. For now, vicious slander and gossip.

Take care out there, kiddies.

2004-09-24T17:49:00.000-05:00

I don't have a whole lot of time right now, but I've decided the next lengthy post I make (probably later tonight, or tommorrow) will be my picks for the best (and worst) parts about all 5 Star Wars movies thus far. The original versions. The new versions. Episodes I, II, IV, V, and VI.

I understand that this is a whole new level of nerdery.

I also don't care.

There isn't a whole lot I do care about in case you haven't noticed.

2004-09-24T01:05:00.000-05:00

I've decided that I take waaaaaaaaaay too many online quizzes.

With that in mind, here are the results from my latest one!

Which Family Guy character are you?

2004-09-17T00:41:00.000-05:00

I am AWESOME.

My sphere is Ronin (Look for great Ambition and Success), and my class is Champion (Self-Righteous and Confident).

I am a Vigilante.

When it comes to action, you stand alone. You may possess great valor and self-righteousness, Vigilante, but chances are, you may be torn between looking out for your beliefs, and looking out for yourself. A real anti-hero. Try not to step on anyone's toes, and in time you'll find those who will be your admirers.

What kind of Warrior are you?

2004-09-10T23:17:00.000-05:00

Oh, and just for the sake of everybodys' information, I just checked the comments from my post two posts ago where I asked all the people who were reading my blog to post a comment.

Four... I have four people reading my blog.

Glad I've got such an expansive and diverse audience.

And I don't wanna hear any of that crap about how "It could be worse, I could have no one reading!" That doesn't change the fact that I only have four freaking readers.

My life is interesting, dammit!

.....................................................

Well, at least I think its interesting. And seeing as how this is my blog, my opinion is the only one that counts! Don't like it?! Then don't read it, jerk-off!

Hmmm... I believe I may have pinpointed the problem.

2004-09-01T15:59:00.000-05:00

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved...

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you! Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.

Ahh.... nostalgia.

2004-08-22T01:57:00.000-05:00

Well, that was it. The last Saturday of the Summer. School starts on Monday. And once again, I'm amazed at what a difference a year can make.

Anyway, I know its been a long time since I last made a REAL post, and as much as I'd love to bring you all up to speed... wait... no I wouldn't... because that'd be long and monotonous.

So instead, I'll just give you the rundown of my day today. I went to work at 9. Was very bored until 2, when I got off work. Went home... hung around for a bit... and then went to the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert with Zach and Justin, which, as it turned out, proved to be one of the highlights of my summer.

It was absolutely fantastic! There's nothing like hearing "Red, White, and Blue" sung live by Skynyrd themselves, while thousands of fans around you hold up their lighters. Nor is there anything like watching some chick go berserk with a Confederate flag during "Sweet Home Alabama". Or just hearing "Freebird", done live by Skynyrd, period. It was awesome, and it's made me realize just how spectacular of a band Lynyrd Skynyrd really is.

Well... that's really about it. Maybe things will get more interesting when school starts. I wouldn't hold my breath though.

Oh, and just for the sake of curiosity, I'd like to know exactly how many people even read this blog. If you read this message, and aren't completely lazy, leave a comment.

Au revoir.

2004-08-01T15:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, in light of certain recent events, I've decided to list what music I do like, and what music I think sucks. See how I worded that? What I think sucks and what I like. So if you don't like it, guess who gives a damn? Not a whole lot of people. Maybe you. But certainly not me.

Anyway, without further adieu, here's as many bands (musicians, singers, whatever) that I can think of that I like.

The Good
The Offspring
The Ramones
The Sex Pistols
The Clash
The Beatles
Green Day
Weezer (pre-Maladroit)
System of a Down
Dropkick Murphys
Metallica
Nirvana
The Foo Fighters
Guns N' Roses
Billy Idol
Velvet Revolver
Pearl Jam
The Ataris
Dave Matthews
Blink 182 (anything before Enema of the State and after Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, though there are a few songs I do like from the latter.)
Lynyrd Skynyrd
ZZ Topp
Black Sabbath
Led Zepplin
Aerosmith
KISS
Radiohead (what I've heard. I don't think they're the greatest band ever, but I like them.)
Rob Zombie
The Misfits
Rancid
Alice In Chains
Bush

Alright. I'm sure there's more, and I'll probably end up going back and revising them... but now onto something I'm much more passionate about. My hatred.

The Bad
Linkin Park
Limp Bizkit
Avril Lavigne
Good Charlotte
Kelly Osbourne
Clay Aiken
Kelly Clarkson
Britney Spears
Justin Timberlake
The Darkness
Courtney Love
Korn
Creed (who broke up, haha!)
Drowning Pool
Puddle of Mud
Godsmack
Disturbed
DMX
D-12
Basically anything rap
Basically anything latin pop
If I tried to list everything, It'd be a long long list.

Keep in mind that everyone on the first list does indeed play their own instruments and write their own music, while a good chunk of the morons on the second list do not.

That's it. You don't like what I put up there? That's too bad. Keep your mouth shut about it, unless you're looking for an arguement.

2004-07-31T17:09:00.000-05:00

People were whining about an update, so here it is.

Yay, update...

2004-07-26T21:45:00.000-05:00

Old school punk! You just say what you have to say
regardless of what everyone else thinks!
You're one of my most favourite types of
music... You're raw and uncut! You're
surrounded by hype...just don't let it make you
go insane...

Woo... break shit... or something to that effect.

2004-06-15T13:47:00.000-05:00

Fight Club!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm... I wonder if that's a bad sign?

Naaaah!

2004-06-07T21:23:00.000-05:00

You are spoon guy. You should have planned ahead
buddy, or packed a bigger lunch.

which rejected character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
MY SPOON IS TOO BIG!!

2004-06-06T00:26:00.000-05:00

YES.

T	Temperamental
I	Intense
M	Modern

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

2004-05-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

Ya know, its funny. Something happened to day that I originally thought, if it happened, it would utterly devestate me. And, granted, it has gotten me pretty bummed. But, its not that awful, hopeless kinda bummed I'd been previously feeling for so long.

Which makes me realize that there's hope for myself! I think the nasty depression really HAS gone away.

See... Lauren and I had a discussion today. And she said, basically, she's not ready for a relationship. And I'd always imagined myself being really crushed if she said that... but I'm not. In fact, I'm pretty okay with that. I can handle just being friends with her. I can also handle just not being in a relationship for a while, a prospect which, up until recently, has been haunting me since the end of my junior year of high school. Being single! Gasp!

I don't know exactly what fixed everything, but I really don't care. The point is, everything just feels right now.

Well, I'm gonna go... place. Anna supposedly wants to hang out tonight, and maybe Danno, too, so, I'm gonna see what's shakin' on that front.

Rock on, mia muchachos and muchachas!

2004-05-26T01:04:00.000-05:00

So, guess who didn't do what he said he was going to today?

Yeah, I'm a big, f'ing wuss.

I really don't know what my problem is. All I know is, I need to get over it. And soon. You'd think this would get easier every time, but nay, it gets harder!

Sigh... we'll see what happens tommorrow, I suppose.

Rock on.

2004-05-24T13:28:00.000-05:00

Oy.

It was Monday. Pretty much the first monday since everyone's school got out, which is pretty spectacular, I suppose. Plus I FINALLY got the internet back in my room, so I can go back to leaving my AIM on for hours on end, simply putting up away messages when I'm finished. Yes, making me happy is a fairly simple task.

However, I'm also pretty angry at myself. I NEED to talk to Lauren. Pretty badly. Before she starts to lose interest. And I really haven't gotten to all that much. There are several reasons for this.

The biggest reason would probably be... I'm afraid. I'm afraid to try to talk to her on the phone. I'm not a big phone person. There are a select few people I can talk to on the phone without the whole conversation de-evolving into a giant awkward pause. Terry. Anna. Zach. Danny. That's about it. I'm afraid if I try to call Lauren, we'll sit there in silence, and she'll think I just have nothing to say to her or something.

Reason number two: Long distance. I'm not completely sure, but my sister seems dead set on the (pseudo)fact that Lauren is technically long distance. So, that's sorta staved off any telephone conversations. Though, as soon as I get the 25 dollars Zach owes me (long story) I might be able to acquire a phone card, or something.

Reason number three: Maybe its ALREADY been too long. Maybe she's already lost interest. I saw her on Saturday, and, I dunno... maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree? Maybe she realized who exactly I actually am, and decided she really didn't like me after all? Maybe she never did to begin with? I don't know... I get nervous about this kinda stuff. Real nervous.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I really, really wanna get to know Lauren, and I'll be kicking myself for the rest of the eternity of the comsos if I let this slip through my fingers. So, here's YOUR assignment, dear reader! (Oo, an INTERACTIVE blog!) Your assignment, should you choose to accept it... no, wait, I'm not even giving you that option! You WILL accept it! Your assignment that, whether you want to or not, you WILL accept, is to pester ME as much as possible about calling Lauren, and talking to her about all this stuff! The whole relationship is at a standstill, and will probably stay that way, or dissintegrate, unless I make a move one way or another! So pester away! Send me obnoxious IMs! (GeneStarwind1984 is my AIM screen name) Email me with threats of physical harm! (GeneStarwind1984@hotmail.com be the email address) Call me a million times, over and over again!! (346-1609, if you don't know the number) Send letters! Come over here and physically force me to pick up the phone and dial the number! (1115 Quatto Hill is the address. Its in Collinsville, Illinois. Go to www.mapquest.com if you need driving directions. Do we see how serious I am about this?!) Whatever it takes!

Meanwhile, I'M gonna try to work up the courage myself. And I'm gonna be annoyed to all hell, if I actually AM able to call her myself, and THEN all these people start pestering me to do it, unaware that the deed has been done. But that is a risk I'm willing to take!

So wish me luck, ladies and gentlemen! And to those who've decided to aid me, I'm going to thank you ahead of time, and apologize in advance for some of the comments that may be exchanged!

Rock on, people.

2004-05-20T14:08:00.000-05:00

Furnulum pani nolo.
"I don't want a toaster."
Generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
off. You have contemplated doing grievous
bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah... that's right. Don't mess with me.

2004-05-20T03:28:00.000-05:00

For this blog entry, I thought I'd do something a bit different, and yet, not different at all. I'm gonna introduce this entry with a little ditty I like to call "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" Coincidentally, it is also called this by pretty much everyone whose heard it. Its a song, you see. Who knew?

But there's a twist to this one. Instead of being the version by Creedance Clearwater Revival which most of us have probably heard at one time or another on the oldies station, this version is the cover performed by the Ramones on their CD "Acid Eaters". Now, I'm sure your asking "But Tim, what difference does it make? You're just typing the lyrics out! I could pretend they're performed by Avril Lavigne or Axl Rose for all you know!" Well, that's just the thing, my friend! I will be typing the lyrics EXACTLY as Joey Ramone sang them!

Confused yet? You WILL be!

Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

(At a very fast tempo)

Someone told me lo-ong ago
There's a calm before the storm, I KNOW!!!
It's been coming for some time
When it's over soooo they say
It'll rain on a sunny day, I KNOW!!!
Shining down like water

IIIIII WANNA KNOW!!!!
Have ya ever seen the raaain?!
IIIIII WANNA KNOW!!!!
Have ya ever seen the raaain?!
Coming down on a sunny day

Yesterday and da-ays before
Sun is cold and rain is hard, I KNOW!!!
It's been that way for all my time
Till forever o-on it goes
Through the circle fast and slow, I KNOW!!!
And it can't stop I wonder

I WANNA KNOW!!!
Have ya ever seen the raaain?!
I WANNA KNOW!!!
Have ya ever seen the raaain?!
Coming down on a sunny day

Someone told me lo-ong ago
There's a calm before the storm, I KNOW!!!
Been that way for all my time
When it's over soooo they say
It'll rain on a sunny day, I KNOW!!!
Shining down like water!!!!!!

I WANNA KNOW!!!
Have ya ever seen the raaain?!
I WANNA KNOW!!!
Have ya ever seen the raaain?!
Coming down on a sunny day!!!

The End

Well, golly gee, that was fun! And fantastic. Joey Ramone is my hero. God rest his soul.

Aaaanywho, today was a pretty kickin' day. I went up to Twilight Comics, with my old friend Codename: Harnersan X (Alex Harner). I bought nothing cause I needed to save my money for a movie, but we had a good discussion about the decline of quality in Marvel and DC comics. We had lunch at the food court in the mall, then went our separate ways. I immediately went up to the theatre in Edwardsville, wherest I met up with Schelp, Eva, Ashley, Kristin, and Krista. We saw Shrek 2, which shocked the hell outta me by being a really friggin' good movie. Antonio Banderes is ALSO my hero, with his performance as Puss in Boots. After the theatre, we all headed over to Wendy's, where I saw some photos of Ashley and Chris that, honestly, I just kinda wish I could UN-see... har har, I kid, they weren't THAT bad.......yestheywere!!!....ahem.... anyway, after Wendy's I trudged over to my good friend Aaron Walther's place, where he, Alex, Anthony, Paul, and I all hung out and discussed the many goings-on of our lives... and comics. Then... I came home.

All in all a fulfilling day.

One thing has been made abundantly clear this past week, though... I REALLY miss Lauren. I wanna call her, but I don't know if that would be bad, since this is finals week and all. And she hasn't been online, so I haven't been able to talk to her through THAT conveyance. Sigh... I'm really outta whack on this whole relationship thing, I really need to get back in the groove. It's not MY fault, I swore off on the whole "relationship" thing! Then Lauren just HAD to come along and be all cute and wonderful, and fun to be around, and change my mind on the whole situation! ;)

Anyway, if worst comes to worst, I'm pretty sure she's gonna be at graduation, so I can see her there and discuss things.

So yeah, that was my day. It was fun. I enjoyed it.

Big D&D game this weekend, by the way. That's gonna kick all sorts o' ass.

That's all for now. Its 1:30 a.m. Aqua Teens will be on shortly, and Tim doesn't like to miss his favorite show!

Rock on, children!

2004-05-16T19:22:00.000-05:00

Ya know, I was gonna do a real entry, but then I realized nothing all that interesting has happened in the past two days.

Therefore, I figured this would be more fun:

Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Hey! Ho! Let's go!

They're bumpin' in a straight line
They're goin' through a tight wind
The kids are losin' their minds
Blitzkrieg bop!

They're pilin' in the backseat!
They're generating steam heat!
Pulsating to the back beat!
Blitzkrieg bop!

Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Shoot 'em in the back now
What they want, I dunno
They're all revved up and ready to go!

They're bumpin' in a straight line
They're goin' through a tight wind
The kids are losin' their minds
Blitzkrieg bop!

They're pilin' in the backseat!
They're generating steam heat!
Pulsating to the back beat!
Blitzkrieg bop!

Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Hey! Ho! Let's go!
Hey! Ho! Let's go!

I was right! That WAS fun!

Rock on, kiddies.

2004-05-14T16:28:00.000-05:00

DAMN YES!!!

I'm the :D
Which smiley are you?

Yeah, that's right! I'm the most kickass AIM smiley of them all! The one with the big, obnoxious, toothy grin on his face!

Holy CRAP, I need to get a life!

2004-05-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

Today = AWESOME.

I hung out with the girl today. And I've also decided that just calling her the girl, is lame, its not like no one knows who she is by now, nor is it like I don't want anyone to know who she is. She's Lauren Gerber. And we hung out up at the Township Park (I believe that's what its called) across the street from Metro. And we got rained on... a lot. But you know what? Doesn't matter. Cause it was awesome! She's an awesome girl and that's pretty much that! I am SOOOOOO glad I helped out with that musical now! 'Cause if I hadn't, I might never have gotten to get to know Lauren. And that would have been sad. I would have cried.

Anyway, I'm on an emotional high right now, and I'm gonna go.... be.... emotionally high, I suppose.

Rock on, madames and monsieurs.

2004-05-11T16:44:00.000-05:00

Freedom. Its the most beautiful word ever. And as of yesterday, its what I have blissfully immersed myself in. As of yesterday, all my big, group projects for school are done. And none of my finals are culmulative, so basically their just regular tests. And all my tests have been easy, thus far. So, I feel free, and relaxed. I just gotta wait it out a week longer and then.... summer....

I love how everything is finally fixing itself. Everything's getting better, and I find myself falling asleep easily at night, without lying awake and dwelling on things, and actually enjoying my days. Its happy sunshine funtimes again.

Aaaaanyway on to more relevant stuff. So, today, I decided that I hate Bush. Well, I decided that a long time ago, but I remember telling somebody as much as I hated Bush, I liked all the democratic candidates less. Well, this is no longer true. I actually read about Kerry and his stances on everything.... and I really think I like the guy. So, it is with that in mind that I announce I am officially voting for John Kerry in the November election. It is also with this in mind that I officially announce I am no longer a Republican. I am a Democrat. (Of course I will always be a Communist, but for some reason, Communists never make it to the final balot. Ah well, such is life.) My Grandma's gonna HATE that but tuff titty said the kitty. Yeah, I said it, whatcha gonna do about it?! That's right, nothin'!

In other news..... I finally got the girl's phone number.... now its all just a matter of working up enough nerve to actually call her.... wish me luck.

2004-05-09T01:23:00.000-05:00

I swallowed a spider today. True story. It happened not even an hour ago. I was sitting in my sister's computer chair, and I tilted my head back, and yawned... and this spider, that was apparently dangling inches above my head on his little web dealy, decided to just.... drop into my mouth. I panicked, gagged, and not knowing what else to do.... swallowed. Kinda hoping he wasn't extremely venomous, I'm not really sure what eating a venomous spider would do, but he was little, and he seemed to simply be just a harmless little house spider. I kinda feel bad, but hey, the bastard shouldn't have been floating above my head, nor should he have dropped into my friggin' mouth! Its his own damn fault. Anyway, we can all take comfort in the fact that he's in a better place now.... so long as he was a Christian spider. If he wasn't, well... then he's probably roasting in spider hell. Or, at the very least, my stomach. But lets be optomistic!

Wow... I'm really really tired right now. This week wasn't bad, it wasn't bad at all. The only problem is, well.... in case you couldn't tell from the last blog entry, there's this girl. And I'm really really starting to like her but.... I haven't gotten to talk to her all week. And I don't know her phone number. And I'm going kinda crazy about it. But, as annoying as that is, it is about 456,382,943 times better than how I had been feeling. So that's happy.

Anywho, another annoyance of the week, is that the internet in my room is STILL being retarded and not working, even now with the new ethernet card we have in it. Josh says it has something to do with a problem with the router. I do not know what that means. And I don't care. I want the internet back in MY room. So I can start using REAL instant messanger again, and not this crappy, stupid, AIM express. I wouldn't even use it were it not for the fact that the only way I have of contacting the girl mentioned in the previous paragraph is that I have her sn. Yeah, that's right, chicks don't give ya phone numbers anymore. In today's face paced world, chicks give out their SCREEN NAMES! Do not stand in the way of progress, that's always been my motto.

Well, no, it hasn't.

So anyway, I'm tired, and I've decided that if I don't get to talk to the girl online tommorrow, I'm gonna dust off that relic ancient man calls a telephone, break open one of those archaic devices ancient man calls a phone book, and call everyone in the book with her last name til I get her house.

Don't believe me? Well, then you're... uh... stupid. Anyway, my old friend Zach just sent me an IM on the stellar AIM express, so I'm gonna converse with him. Speaking of Zach, his band the Hot Rodders rock. I just got back from their show in Prairietown, and it ruled.

Well, that's all for now.

Rock on, chicos and chicas.

2004-05-04T02:52:00.000-05:00

Ooooookaaaay....

Who were you in a past life? by Kat007
Name:
Birthdate:
Favorite Color:
Country:
You were most probably:	Countess Elizabeth Bathory
If not then you were:	Leonardo da Vinci

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

So, I was either one of the most sadistic women in all of known history (this isn't the first time I've been compared to her by the way. Next to Stalin, Bathory is my most frequent online quiz result **shudders **) or I was one of the most brilliant inventors to have ever lived.

With all due respect to the Blood Countess, I think I'll stick with telling people I was the man behind the Mona Lisa.

2004-05-03T17:12:00.000-05:00

Woo! Well, bloggerites, a lot has transpired in the last few days, so let me break it down to ya'll.... as well as promise to you that I'll never ever use the words "break it down to ya'll" consecutively in a sentence again.

So last week, around Wednsday, I went to Metro to innocently sit in on one of their final rehearsals for the musical they were doing this spring. Perhaps you've heard of it. A little play called "Little Shop of Horrors". Anyway, I was standin' there, minding my own business, when the director, Lisa Keaton comes up and says "Are you here to help out with backstage?!" And I cleverly countered with a witty "Uh... well, I can if you need me to." And she shot back with a "Perfect, go help." So I did.

And I am SOOOO glad I did.

Being a part of the musical, even just a lowly stagehand, even the last few days, filled with their hectic-ness (it's a word now, I decree it) and anger, was soooo much fun! It was just a blast to be back with all my old friends in one place (Anna, Zach, Paul, Bri, Noah, Dan) and get to know a few other people better (Especially a certain someone, who I'm fairly sure knows who she is... and if she doesn't I'm gonna go ahead and say her name now, Lauren!). And just the fact that I was finally doing something other than sitting around and moping.... yeah, that was nice.

Which brings me to my next point.

I believe I've figured out my problem, and have simultaneously solved it. I've been sitting around doing nothing and its given me waaaaaaaaay too much time to just dwell on crap, that I shouldn't be dwelling on any more! And doing something like, a musical (something that was actually constructive AND fun, if you believe it) was just what I needed. I'm also convinced that friends are the ultimate solution to everything, and I personally can't wait until the summer when I'll have like... a thousand hours to hang out with all my friends, and not have this pesky school get in the way. (Which, thank God, is ALSO starting to wind down now that all my big projects are FINALLY getting wrapped up.)

And also, the musical itself, "Little Shop of Horrors" was awesome. Anyone actually involved in the cast will tell you it was terrible, cause that's what Metro kids do, they join the plays, then complain about how terrible they were when they're done, I know cause I did it too, but the play was awesome. Lo, a mighty run-on sentence. Anyway, I really like the story itself, and I thought everybody involved (especially Dan Sartoris as Orin Scrivello, the deranged dentist) did a fantastic job. But I had fun. The first night was flawless. The after party at Denny's was a good-time. The second night had its problems, but was still great. Hanging out with Paul, Zach and Elena at Steak N' Shake afterwards was awesome. The cast party was pretty bitchin' as well on Sunday.

Needless to say, I feel so much better the past few days, its unreal. And I really think its for real this time. Seriously. No, I'm not kidding! Listen to me fool, I'm correct! Question me again, and I will come down upon you like the hammer of God, I am RIGHT!

Life does have a funny way of working out. It really really does. I can see that now. Everyone kept telling me "Things will get better, hang in there." and I kept telling them all "Go to hell!" but they were in reality very right. I think that nasty black cloud has finally lifted.

And good times were had by all!

P.S. Ya wanna know what the most annoying thing in the universe is? I'll tell you! When you're standing at one of those supposedly "hi-tech", auto-flushing, urinals, doing your thing, and they automatically flush for no reason before you're done, and splash all over you. That's obnoxious. Oh, what's that, don't wanna hear about my bathroom adventures? I'm sorry, whose blog is this? Oh, that's right its MINE! X'ed! You lose!

2004-04-25T22:37:00.001-05:00

I am the lord of illusions!

You are Master Shake!! You're the leader of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force! Nobody seems to listen to you though, so you kick Meatwad around to make up for it.

Which Aqua Teen Hunger Force character are you??

2004-04-18T22:19:00.000-05:00

SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN

I wish I was someone else
I'm confused, I'm afraid, I hate the loneliness
And there's nowhere to run to
Nothing makes any sense, but I still try my hardest
Take my hand, please help me man

'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I don't know where to start
And I don't know where to begin, to begin

If I was stupid or naive
Trying to achieve what they all call contentness
If people weren't such dicks and I never made mistakes
Then I could find forgiveness
Take my hand, please help me man

'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I don't know where to start
And I don't know where to begin, oh no

I can't be someone else
I don't feel that it's hopeless
I don't feel that I'm useless

I can't throw it all away
I need some courage to find my weakness
And with your love, I know with all my heart I can win

'Cause I'm looking for something to believe in
And I just need something to believe in
I'm looking for something to believe in
And I just need something to believe in...

-The Ramones

2004-04-15T00:17:00.000-05:00

Venting time!

Okay, so tonight I had a discussion with a friend after the show "Angel" (good episode by the way.) Anyway, we talked on the phone, and we started off talking about Angel.... but then somehow wound up in the inevitable relationships discussion, discussing friends relationships, our views on relationships, etc.

Ohhhhh, man.

She started discussing how girls are afraid of commitment, because they all supposedly have some fantastic dreams of the future, and having a permanent partner that they are "tied-down" to eliminates any possibility of these dreams.

Ya know, I used to think Axl Rose's voice was the stupidest, most disgusting thing I'd ever heard. The apparent female commitment philosophy, however, has triumphantly dethroned Guns N Roses' baby boy.

I've got news for all you Miss Independents out there: You're never going to become a world famous feminist author, nor are you ever going to go to exotic lands and study the majestic wild life. In fact, chances are your dreams (no matter what they are) are just that.... DREAMS!! (unless of course, your dreams entail a crappy job, and just barely being able to pay your debts and bills... if that's the case, you're in luck!!) And 99.9% of the time, they do NOT come true!

Why? Well, apparently, according to everyone I've talked to over the past 3 months, that's LIFE! LIFE is disappointment! LIFE is coping with not getting your way! LIFE is taking what your given, no matter how bad it sucks, and liking it! LIFE is taking those lemons life gives you, and squeezing the juices into your eyes!

I've been depressed the past few months of my life, for many many reasons. And do you know what everyone's answer to all my problems has been?

"That's life! Just gotta deal with it!"

Oh, gee, okay! That makes it all better! So life is having your heart crushed, having unatainable dreams, and doing shit you don't like for the rest of your life, eh? Gee, how swell! I sure am glad to be alive!

Reality is this folks. You're probably not going to make any marks whatsoever in life. Unless you're extraordinarily wealthy, or your last name is Kennedy, you're not going to amount to jack squat. And no matter how many people you stomp, how many ties you cut, or how many hearts you break, you're not going to attain these fantastic (and in most cases blitheringly selfish) dreams you have about yourself moving away to exotic lands/becoming world famous/attaining massive wealth. Ya know what IS going to happen?

You're going to end up settling. You're gonna take what life gives you, and you're going to have to like it. You're going to end up living in a small, lower middle class, mortgaged house (if you don't drop out of college, in which case you'll end up in a shack/crappy apartment/trailer) doing a mediocre job that you don't really like (again unless you drop out of college, in which case you'll be pumping gas or flipping burgers) , and forever wondering what you could've been, had you been in the right place at the right time and had some degree of talent. And do you know why?

Because that's life. Life stomps on everything you struggle to achieve and kicks you off the mountain. Dreamers are idiots. And they're most likely selfish. They don't care about other people, they just want what's best for themselves. But apparently that's society's outlook now. Do what's best for number one, screw everyone else, every man for himself! And everyone seems to see nothing wrong with that philosophy. And I'm to the point where I couldn't give a damn anymore.

Let the morons be hypocrites. Let everyone jump all over eachother to achieve their dreams, and have them squashed flat. Let everyone go to hell, for all I care.

Cause I don't care anymore. Apparently life is disappointment. Apparently, the girl that I thought was the one, wasn't. Apparently, my idealistic job is a dream, and I'm an idiot for having it, and I should go settle on some stupid, everyman job, just like everyone else. Apparently, I'm just going to have to get used to feeling like I've been kicked in the stomach everyday, because I don't like where my life is headed.

Here's an easy solution to avoiding all the headaches chasing a dream will entail: Give up.

If I've got to accept the fact that "shit happens" so does everyone else

Life isn't pretty folks. It sucks. Its overcoming one giant obstacle, only to find an even bigger and more difficult obstacle hiding behind it. And so on. And so on.

And then you die.

Its a wonderful life.

2004-03-13T14:56:00.000-06:00

I give up.

Yup, I've decided to give up. To surrendor. To run up the white flag, if you will. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of struggling to make things better, of spending all this time and energy overcoming obstacles, only to find that they were just blocking bigger and more difficult obstacles. I'm tired of running in a giant hamster wheel. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep, and making myself sick, because my heart hurts so much. I'm tired of caring.

So I'm not going to, anymore.

I'm done with it. I'm done with emotions. They're just misguided and wrong anyway. Well, mine are at least.

Love is stupid. It kills. It turns lives upside down, and inside out. Its completely killed me, and brought me back to life as this brooding, unhappy, mess. Hate does the same thing. The two most powerful emotions. And all they do is hurt people.

I'm done caring about anything. I'm just done. Finished. Over.

I submit my will to fate. You hear that, fate? You win. I lose. Congrats.

Have a nice day.

2004-03-07T16:42:00.000-06:00

So I got this message in a fortune cookie today:

Answer just what your heart prompts you.

Got two letters for that one...

B.S.

Its become painfully evident to me that listening to my heart and what it wants is a BAD idea. Everytime I've done it in the past... or tried to... I've wound up a very, very unhappy person. I used to think listening to your heart and ignoring your head was the way to go. Not so much anymore, I'm afraid.

So what's the moral of this story?

Fortune cookies are liars.

2004-02-22T21:56:00.000-06:00

Just one last thing...

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Confidence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	48%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Volatility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	32%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Emotionality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	65%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test

Yeah... this all sounds about right.

2004-02-22T21:22:00.000-06:00

Sheesh... life sure is funny. Well... I'm sure someone finds this all funny. Anyway... I dunno. I've really had my ups and downs this weekend. I suppose its an improvement over how I had been feeling but... its really not much of one. I told Kristin I felt like I just needed to separate myself from her for a while, because talking to her was making me depressed.... of course I tried to say it in a way that didn't make her sound like an awful person, because I truly and honestly don't hold her at fault at how I feel right now. Its a result of my own shortcomings, not her's. I still really, really, miss her... everyone keeps telling me that its normal, even after a month of being broken up, but... who knows? I just don't know. I feel like I've been handling this whole situation terribly, and every time I try to fix it, I just get more upset, and make things even worse.

I really REALLY want to talk to Kristin, but I'm pretty sure I'd just get both of us really upset, just like I have been doing. She tells me that I don't really get her that upset when we talk lately, but... I don't know. If nothing else I have to be as annoying as hell to her.

I'm so freakin' obssessive... I know I am. Just look at this entry.... its all about one person. One person who, for the life of me, I cannot stop thinking about...

It doesn't really help that yesterday was the Snowball... exactly one year ago was when I first realized I had a thing for her... sigh... I really need a new subject to talk about...

Anyway... all my friends seem happy enough, and that's really really nice. I'm at least glad for them. And it helps to hang around them too, cause when I'm around them I can take my mind off of what its always on otherwise.

And, AND I'm dropping that God-forsaken English class tommorrow. I found out the other day that I'm actually doing really good in that Non-Western Lit class that I hate so much... but my English class is killing me. Dropping it would probably eliminate a LOT of the stress I feel like I'm under. I'm also going to talk to a counselor tommorrow. Hopefully that'll help to.

I really think there's more at work here than just being sad about my ex-girlfriend and school... because as I think about it, yeah that stuff is enough to make me sad, but its not really enough to make me as blitheringly hopless as I feel right now. I'm not suicidal, but I think that's becaise I'm incapable of being suicidal, plain and simple. I'd never end my own life, even if everyone I knew told me they hated me and abandoned me on the streets of Iran in the middle of a crowd of angry, anti-American fanatics. But I AM so damn depressed. Every morning, when I wake up I simply do NOT want to get out of bed, and it usually takes every ounce of will power I have just to stand up. I spend so much time listening to depressing music, and staring at the ceiling in my room, and just sulking...

I really need to find a way to fix this... because I used to be so happy, and I love being like that. I can't stand being like this.

Tommorrow is as always another day, though. So, we'll see what happens...

2004-02-22T16:06:00.000-06:00

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	Butt-Man
Super Power	Impeccable Hearing
Enemy	Frozen Corpse Of Walt Disney
Mode Of Transportation	Giant Hamster Named Skippy
Weapon	Cheese Cutter

Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

What the hell... that's all I can really say at this point.... what the hell?

2004-02-16T14:56:00.000-06:00

I recently heard this song. Woulda put it in my profile, but it wouldn't fit. Woulda put it in my sub-profile, but that thing's long gone. So, I'm puttin' it here. Its my new favorite Blink 182 song. Enjoy.

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you... miss you...)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (miss you... miss you...)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you... miss you...)

2004-02-13T16:24:00.000-06:00

Epiphany...

So I was sitting around on one of the benches in the halls at school after Biology class today, with my friends Katie and John, being all mopey, as per usual, when my other friend, Eric (yes, I consider him a friend now. I'm friends with the Nazi. Welcome to America, folks.) comes walking up. He notices my ever somber mood and lets out a big sigh, rolling his eyes. Finally, he says, "Ya know what?! I'm tired of this mopey attitude! So, I'm gonna do you a favor! I'm gonna put you on the Eric Zimmler Will Kick Your Ass Anti-Depressent Plan! Its works really simply. Stop being depressed. Or Eric Zimmler will kick your ass!"

I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the tone he said, or whatever. But that just cracked me up. I just started laughing. And that's when I noticed Katie smiling at me, and I was like "What?" and what she said really kinda hit hard:

"That's the first time I've ever seen you smile like that."

And that's when I realized. That was the first time I'd smiled like that since... God knows when! That's when it hit me, that I didn't even really know why I was being all depressed any more! I basically was being depressed just to be depressed. And that's stupid. Life's too short to be pulling stupid crap like that.

So my girlfriend and I parted ways. Big deal, that stuff happens. At least she's still trying to be friends with me. And after some of the crap I've pulled that in and of itself is a miracle!

So I had to move out of my house. The balding tyrant that ran that unpleasent household was a jackass! I'm better off where I am now, living with my awesome sister, and her equally awesome boyfriend! And now I can come and go as I please, day or night, and I don't have to call in... at all!! Yay for irresponisibility! And I've got a waterbed! How kick ass is that?!

So I hate my classes! Pfft! Tch! Psh! Who doesn't?! And its not like I hate all of them. I just really really hate that stupid Non-Western Lit class. But I made two good friends out of that class to make up for it!

See my problem has been that in the past several certain things have worked out absolutely perfectly. And I seemed to have the notion that that's how it would always be. Well, that's not always the case. I still believe that everything happens for a reason, and things will always work out in the end... but sometimes you have to go through stuff to get to that end. God's a smart guy. He's got a plan for this. Just like he's got a plan for everything. A really smart girl once told me that.

So in closing, I say, to hell with depression! I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself! Its time to get back into my old routine of being better than everyone!

Besides, if I don't, Eric Zimmler's gonna kick my ass!

Viva le Friday, everyone!

2004-02-12T23:41:00.000-06:00

Oh good...

You are Loss.

Your life defines tragedy. You have experienced
great hardships on an unimaginable scale and it
has jaded your view of life.

What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, I can't say today wasn't bad.... wasn't really good either. I woke up, kinda sat around a bit... took a nap around 3.... I've been sitting online since. Really uneventful. Still waiting for things to get better.... nothing really seems to have changed, but tommorrow's Friday. Hopefully I'll see my old pals Josh and Anthony, and once again have a temporary reprieve from feeling sorry for myself.

2004-02-11T21:51:00.000-06:00

Well, blogger-ites, its been a while, and a TON has changed, so allow me to bring you up to speed.

In its continuing downward spiral, my life hit yet another extra steep incline when one... ya know, I had his name all typed out, but then I decided I'm not going to lower myself to naming names... lets just call him the dude my mom married... anyway, the dude my mom married decided he'd had enough with me using his precious phone lines to get on the internet. So what did he do to resolve this? He bounded down the stairs, stormed into my room, and screams something to the effect of how I'm a "fucking failure!" I'd "never amount to anything!" all I do is sit on my "ass in front of the fucking computer and tie up his fucking phone lines!" I'm ruining "his and my mom's fucking lives!" and a bunch of other uplifting stuff. So what'd I do? I calmly took it all in and left the house.

Forever.

I'm now currently living at my sister's house. My room's a bit more cramped, but muuuuch better. I've got the computer back in my room WITH cable modem, so no more tying up any "fucking phone lines." and along with the cable modem comes cable TV. I also no longer have to live with the bitching and shouting that came with living with my mom and that guy, and am basically free to come and go as I please here, no matter the time of day. Its like staying in an apartment.... for free!

Soooo... why aren't I happy yet? Oh, wait, maybe its cause my mom's still with El Diablo. Maybe its cause now I feel like I abandoned her, but at the same time, there's no chance in hell I'm ever going back there. Maybe its cause whenever my mom talks to me on the phone now, she ends up crying, cause the last kid she had left got chased away by said Diablo.

Oh, yeah, it could be all that other crap that's still bothering me.. oh, add that to the fact that I really hate all my classes this semester, and would be shocked as hell if I didn't fail one of them.

Life sure got real fun, real fast.

Oh, and to top it all off, guess what else I just noticed... today's the eleventh...

Stupid Christmas Break... that's where this all started... I wish it had never come.

2004-02-02T00:50:00.000-06:00

BWA HA HA!

What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.

Well, it appears my plans to become a Bond Villain are coming along nicely. All I need now are a giant laser, a secret hideout on a secluded tropical island, hundreds of nameless grunts, a beautiful, seductive, femme fatale, a monstrous, stoic, brute with a cheesy name, ties with a corrupt government, and a legitimate business to fund my evil endevours... hmmm... maybe I'm not as close as I thought.... REGARDLESS! Enjoy your freedom, world! As soon as one of my outlandish schemes works, you'll all be living your lives under the rule of my oppressive IRON FIST!!

YOU!!! OBEY THE FIST!!

2004-01-30T16:41:00.000-06:00

So, I've decided that I absolutely hate my life, and I'm sick of everything. But more than anything else.... I miss her....

2004-01-28T21:33:00.000-06:00

I found this and thought it to be humorous. There are several versions of it floating around, but this is the first time I've seen this one. Enjoy. I'm just gonna go back to sulking now.

Capitalism for Dummies

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm. After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.

2004-01-27T19:15:00.000-06:00

Well, I'll be...

Well done comrade! You're one of the big boys! When you're not holding speeches about how everyone is equal in the communist society, you're busy living the high-life while millions starve, freeze or get worked to death! You zany person you!

What tin-pot dictator are you? Take the "What Dictator am I?" test at PoisonedMinds.com

Gee, yet ANOTHER online quiz says I'm Joseph Stalin... ya know, its starting to get creepy.

I mean, sure, I'm all for communism and stuff but.... being compared to a massively oppressive, autocratic, eagalitarian, genocidal, madman... not as fun as it sounds!

There are other similarites too! Creepy similarities!

Joseph Stalin was born on December 9th.... as was I!

Joseph Stalin played the cello, and had a thing for drama and writing.... as do I!

And last but not least, Joseph Stalin had terrible luck with women... as do I! Granted, most of his mistresses and wives were either put to death, or committed suicide, which puts him slightly ahead of me in that respect. But still! The similarities are there!

If I were Hindu, I'd swear that Stalin's soul got recycled into me. That must be his punishment for ya know, all the evil. Seems kinda unfair for the poor guy, doesn't it. So let this be a word of warning to all you genocidal madmen out there. Cut it out! Or you'll wind up being me in the future!

There... I probably just stopped the next Hitler. You're welcome, world!

I might post again later. Who knows?

2004-01-26T22:55:00.000-06:00

So, today started off very not cool. It was really cold last night, right? And there was this big ice storm, right? So my car had about an inch of ice on it this morning, and lemme tell ya, scraping an inch of solid ice off of your car is a rip roarin' good time, that takes about an hour! So guess who missed his Biology class today?! That's right! I'm reeeeeally hoping she didn't give a lab quiz today... I don't think she did, but ya never know. Ah well. Coulda been worse. At least I didn't have to deal with Eric's crap today.

Lit of Non-Western Civilizations wasn't so bad today. We got paired up into discussion groups with basically whoever we wanted, groups of four, and we're supposed to stick with the same group for the next couple of weeks. One of the guys in my group, John whats-his-name (I can't remember his last name, so sue me), was in my drama class last semester. He was one of the cool people too, not one of the weirdo, creepy girls that had a crush on me, or one of the pompous arrogant jackasses that never had anything good to say about anyone. And the other two in my group were these two girls, whose names I of course didn't catch, but I'm sure I'll learn eventually.

My intro to lit class wasn't bad either, and I think its safe to say that's probably going to be my favorite class this semester. The teacher is a really cool guy, and the stuff we talk about is actually interesting stuff to me, so, I'm thinking that class is gonna be nice. Not really a whole lot happened in it today, we just discussed this Poe story, the Cask of Amantillado (which I had previously read my sophomore year of high school.... could have been junior year, I'm not sure.)

Of course I got in plenty of sulking today, in between classes, obviously, we can't have a day go by without that. It doesn't help that just about everything in the universe reminds me of.... something, but, eh, what can you do.

I DID however have a really awesome evening. Me, Dan, Anna, and Chris all hung out at Anna's house. We hung out, talked, laughed at Dan's outlandishness, etc. We also watched Equilibrium a totally awesome movie, basically Fahrenheit 451 on crack. Ya know the drill. Utopian society, ruled by a dictator, functions like a well oiled machine, until someone on the inside suddenly discovers what they're depriving from the populace (in this case, emotion) while it keeps order, it also takes away their humanity. A good movie.

Then Dan and I drove home, cause we thought everybody had to go to school tommorrow... cept of course I don't have classes on Tuesday. Then as soon as we get home, we find that EHS and Metro have both cancelled, meaning we all COULD have stayed a bit longer. Lousy stupid lousiness.

All in all, not a bad day. And I don't have school tommorrow... and for some reason, I just can't get excited about that. Days off just ain't what they used to be anymore. Le sigh.

Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking for a while. That would make things nice and simple. Stop feeling too. Maybe I can get ahold of some of that Prozium stuff they used in Equilibrium that suppressed emotions. Sometimes, I think it'd be nice to have something like that.

Ah well... as always, tommorrow's another day.

2004-01-25T22:43:00.000-06:00

Okay, so, now that I know how to work this doohickee, I'll begin.

I've had an interesting past couple of weeks. I've been desperately trying to remain upbeat, and positive, but haven't exactly been able to do so. To avoid getting into to much detail, or mentioning and thusly sullying anyone's good name, I'll simply say that about two weeks ago, something happened, and about that time, a whole lot of other somethings decided they wanted to happen as well, and all of which have resulted in a very unhappy Tim.

Now, when I'm unhappy, I do one of two things: Sit alone and sulk, or surround myself with friends, and be as positive as I can. I'm not really a big fan of the sulking, so, obviously, I opt for the surrounding myself with friends part. Now, I remember taking this approach around the beginning of my senior year of high school, during a similar situation, and it worked beautifully. It hasn't worked so well this time around. And, after much consideration, I believe I've come up with a few reasons why it hasn't worked.

Number 1: Last time this happened, I grew to loath the person that had caused it. Its very easy to get over someone, when you hate them. This time, that's not an option. Whoops, I just let it slip that this has something to do with another person... ah, well, its not entirely them, a large part of the reason I'm so upset has to do with two older people that live in my house, and seem to have an inability to get along.... hm, I just keep giving things away... do me a favor and use the Amnesia Ray on yourself. And by Amnesia Ray, I mean the revolver. Much thanks. Anyway, on to reason number 2.

Number 2: I went to a small high school. It was very easy to surround myself with friends, when I went to school with 200 people I knew personally everyday. Now, I got to a large community college, with around 5,000 or so people attending, and I know none of them (and most of the few I DO know, like my new friend Eric Zimmler in my Bio Class, I generally dislike very much) Plus, a lot of my friends have left, and gone off to college, or live in places like Alton or Prairietown where daily access is rather hard to come by. It stinks. So the healing process is going to take much longer this time, I'm sure.

I guess what I'm trying to say is... DAMMIT, IF YOU'RE MARRIED, YOU SHOULD GET THE HELL ALONG WITH EACHOTHER! Wait, no! Scratch that, that's not what I was trying to say. What I'm trying to say is, I'm unhappy. And I'm probably going to be unhappy for a while. And its just something I'm going to have to deal with. And I really don't hold anyone at fault, but myself for this. Because I suddenly seem to have an inability to look at the positives in my life. I suddenly have an inability to move on, and accept things that I can't change. Its retarded, I know, but... its hard for me to help.

But there are still positives in my life, I know, and a lot of them. My friends for example: Zach, Anna, Eva, Kristin, Aaron, Paul, Anthony, Josh, Terry, Tom... that's ten positives alone.... already a lot more positives than negatives.... and yet, for some reason the negatives, no matter how few, always seem to outweight the positives, no matter how many... but that's not the point! This paragraph is meant to accentuate the positive! Lets see, what other positives are there.... ah, yes! As weird, and stupid as this will sound to a lot of people, politics is still something I'm still able to immerse myself in, and thusly, make my problems seem insignificant. And my writing! I can still sit down and write stories and screenplays, and totally get into these things and make my problems go away.

The biggest problem though, is that when I'm not doing these things, the problems always creep back... no matter how good I'm feeling, or how much progress I think I've made, my problems always seem to smack me back down sooner or later.

I'm sure they'll go away eventually. I'm sure eventually I'll be able to move on, and be the same Tim I used to be.

It just may take a long long time. Le sigh.

Oh well.... tommorrow's another day, I suppose.

2004-01-25T21:51:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm not completely sure what's going on here, so I'll just wing it. I signed up with a blog. Yes, that's right, me, the man who always denounces how idiotic online diaries are has himself gotten one. Why? Dunno, exactly. I suppose just for the heck of it. Just to see how many people are actually interested in what goes on in my life. Its very interesting, let me assure you. So get ready to be glued to your computer screens, ladies and gentlemen and prepare yourself for the Oddessy that is my life!

And try not to fall asleep, please?